Aspec Relationships I'd Love to See More of in Media, part 4
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| Image description: The iconic duo of Agents Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. Mulder and Scully have a complicated relationship that often defies description, and that type of middle ground is where my aspec headcanons and ideas often thrive. Today, I am once again talking about them and many other dynamics like theirs, using already existing examples in media as jumping off points for the types of aspec relationships I would love to see in our media landscape. |
I’ve been talking a lot lately on the blog about what it’s
like to enjoy romance as someone who is also an aromantic asexual – although
honestly, this is a topic I discuss a lot in general. As someone who both loves
romance and desires aspec representation, I believe it’s entirely possible to
be invested in a great romantic story, but to also want to see non-romantic
relationships that are treated with just as much dignity, respect, and
admiration. Too often, we see how diversely portrayed and meaningfully crafted
a good romance can be, but that can sometimes come at the detriment of other
relationships within a piece of media, or even at the detriment of a character
or characters otherwise potentially being aspec. Additionally, media can often portray romance as
being more essential than other types of relationships – something which is
mirrored by the emphasis in real life that is often placed on romance.
This is why portraying various types of
relationships is so important, and why I often believe that aspec characters
and/or relationships should be portrayed alongside of romantic ones, thus
showing that one is not inherently more important than the other and that all
types of relationships have a place. However, because aspec representation in
media is still so lacking (and understanding of non-romantic and/or non-sexual
identities is still a struggle in general), I acknowledge that portraying aspec
relationships may seem challenging. However, I believe that a lot of media
actually has the tools to portray these relationships already without even
knowing it; in fact, there are several types of relationships that already
exist in media and which could be used as a template for future aspec
representation if people only allowed themselves to see these bonds in such a
way.
Because I’ve already been thinking about this topic a lot
recently, I’ve decided it’s time once again to return to a thought experiment
I’ve done on the blog numerous times – the notion of exploring aspec
relationships I think should be portrayed in media, using the example of
relationships that are already there. These are relationships that have flashes
of aspec potential, but which are not inherently played up as aspec or even
especially fleshed out in their current iteration. Some may be platonic already
while others are less so, but I personally believe all of these dynamics have
interesting elements attached to them, and I would love to see a piece of media
in future that uses similar dynamics but in an overtly aspec way.
As always, these relationship dynamics and their appeal is
very subjective, and you may disagree with my picks or with the ways I would
make these dynamics aspec if I had the chance. As I’ve said previously, the
relationships I choose for the discussion today or the things I describe as
being the aspec representation I’d like to see are in no way exhaustive, nor do
I speak for everyone. There are plenty of things I would like to see or that I
believe would serve me within my own aspec experience that other aspec people
might not be as well served by, and so I can only offer my own insights and
ideas, so take all of this with a grain of salt. But, if you love speculating
about aspec relationships as much as I do, I hope you’ll enjoy yet another
round of my picks in the topic of aspec relationships I’d love to see more of.
A Fun Shout Out
Before We Get Started
Before I dive into the topic at hand, I wanted to briefly go
off on a tangent regarding something related to my first post on this subject. The other day, while out and about, I wanted to find something in a
previous blog post that I was thinking about, and decided to simply Google the
blog for quick access. This can be somewhat difficult, because “the asexual
geek” is a fairly common description within aspec content online, so I don’t
often have a lot of luck, but something surprised me when I did this particular
search.
As I’m sure many of you are aware, Google has a tendency to
lead with an AI-generated answer when you search something, and while I usually
ignore these, I was stopped by something I saw in the Google search for my
blog. Much to my surprise, the AI summary told me that “The Asexual Geek” has
been quoted in science fiction and fantasy book reviews, chiefly for the novel
“Flight and Anchor” by Nicole Kornher-Stace. As anyone who has read my Ace Book Reviews can attest, I adore the works of Nicole Kornher-Stace, but the
idea of being quoted in a review was news to me.
Given I wrote this post in 2024 and “Flight and Anchor”
itself came out in 2023, I admit I have no idea how long this webpage has been
in existence without me knowing it, nor do I have any idea how the person who
put the page together managed to find my blog in the first place. But, needless
to say, I’m very flattered. It can be hard to feel like the blog has any reach
at all (especially when Google can barely even locate it for me), but it’s nice
to know that someone somewhere not only read my post, but thought enough to
include my praise on a website where you can buy the book of an aspec author.
It may be relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, but it made my day
and I knew I had to share, especially given how relevant it was to today’s
topic. Speaking of which, back to the topic at hand.
Her Devoted
Soldier
As my previously mentioned love of the works of Nicole
Kornher-Stace amply proves, I am a sucker for relationships built on the notion
of devoted soldiers and protectors who sacrifice for the person who is the most
important to them. In the case of her work, the soldiers in question – the
supersoldiers known as 06 and 22 – are one another’s protectors, and they
realize this concept in a perfect, beautiful, and utterly platonic way. The
idea of a devoted soldier sworn to protect someone faithfully also reminds me
of an example I gave in my second iteration of this post, in which I described
being very charmed by the idea of “ideal romance” tropes portrayed in an
inherently aspec way instead, such as the idea of a devoted knight and a fair
maiden who are platonic soulmates rather than romantic ones.
Because I love this trope, there are probably countless
examples I could point to. However, for the sake of this post, I want to
highlight one in particular that I just adore, and for that, we have to jump
into the second season of one of my favorite K-Dramas of all time – Tale of
the Nine-Tailed. The show focuses on a world in which various characters
out of Korean folklore exist and can take human form, including the legendary
creature of the nine-tailed fox. Our main character, Yeon, is one of those
creatures, but is also a powerful mountain god; in the show’s second season
(titled Tale of the Nine-Tailed: 1938) we are introduced to some of his
fellow mountain gods, including a powerful woman named Hong-ju.
Hong-ju is fiery and fearsome, but it’s also made abundantly clear to us that she is determined to protect the people whom she considers under her care, and this includes her personal bodyguard, a man named Jae-yoo. In this world of shapeshifters, Jae-yoo’s original form was that of a Jindo, a breed of dog considered deeply important to the national identity of Korea, a fact which is made even more important because the second season of the show takes place during the time when Korea was historically occupied by Japan. It is revealed that Hong-ju rescued Jae-yoo when he was in his Jindo form, as he was injured and near death; as such, he follows her with loyalty and gratitude, viewing her as someone who defends the helpless and cares for those who otherwise have no one to care for them.
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| Image description: Hong-ju comforts Jae-yoo in Tale of the Nine-Tailed: 1938. |
Even if he does feel this way, however, the show never
frames it as something he plans to act on or even that he wants to act on it.
In one of my previous iterations of this topic, I talked about that same notion
– of how unrequited love doesn’t have to be sad. While it’s not clear if
Jae-yoo loves Hong-ju in a romantic sense, it’s clear to me that merely being
by her side is what makes him happiest, not unlike a chivalrous knight. I
absolutely adore this dynamic and would love to see more relationships exactly
like it, wherein one party is the champion of the downtrodden and one of the
people who considers themselves saved by them decides to be their champion in
return.
Bonus: Quiet
love
Funnily enough, there’s another bond Hong-ju has in the series that I could see serving as an interesting template for an aspec dynamic. Much like the aforementioned notion about unrequited love not having to be sad, I think too the idea of not being with one’s first love doesn’t have to be sad either. We see this play out between Hong-ju and the last of the mountain gods, a man named Moo-young.
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| Image description: Moo-young and Hong-ju share a moment |
It’s clear Hong-ju cares for him deeply, and that almost
feels like enough; the series never feels the need to spell anything out about
their bond or make it more complicated than it is. For that reason, I could see
a bond like theirs being one that could be effortlessly made aspec. Much like I
said previously about unrequited love, it would be very interesting to see a
pair where one of the characters is aspec and the other respects this, loving
them quietly and from afar, rather than needing them to love them in return in
order to feel validation. I could even see a bond like this grow into something
that exists in the middle ground – something which I’ll explore more later in
this post.
Opposites
Attract, Hold the Attraction
Something that romantic media loves to play with is the idea
of two very different people coming from two very different walks of life
finding one another and connecting despite these differences – and honestly,
the appeal makes so much sense. There’s nothing quite like a relationship
where, despite different circumstances, two people understand one another
completely, and their regard for one another cuts through the noise of all the
arbitrary things that keep them apart. Whether that be background, socio-economic
class, religion, race, etc., these bonds are so powerful in part because they
get to the shared humanity of the characters underneath.
Media can do a great job of showcasing friendships built on
this odd couple dynamic, and it can do a terrific job of showcasing romances
built on it too, but what about relationships that don’t quite fit neatly into
either category? Could we have a platonic soulmates type relationship where two
people from opposite walks of life find comfort and solace in each other? While
there are a lot of relationships I could point to for this very thing, there is
a relationship in recent media that I found myself really drawn to, imagining
the platonic potential of a bond like this in a world where such a thing was
allowed to happen. This bond comes thanks to the fourth season of the hit
supernatural horror series Stranger Things.
Stranger Things is all about the uncanny supernatural
forces that seem to continually plague the citizens of Hawkins, a small town in
Indiana, and in the show’s fourth season, these horrors really come home to
roost. As the season begins, we are introduced to a cheerleader at Hawkins High
named Chrissy Cunningham, who seems to have what most people would term the
picture perfect life – she’s pretty, she’s popular, she’s dating the star
quarterback, and things seem to be going well for her. But Chrissy has a lot of
buried trauma that she hasn’t told anyone about, trauma we soon see is being
used against her by the creature who comes to be known to us as Vecna.
Terrified by the visions Vecna is showing her, Chrissy
begins to spiral. In an attempt to quiet her troubled mind, she seeks out
another student – Eddie Munsen, whom we have already seen is the school’s
outcast and loner – in order to buy drugs from him. Obviously this is extremely
far outside of what “good girl” Chrissy would be normally expected to do, and
Eddie is a far cry from the people she normally associates with. However, Eddie
and Chrissy connect on an incredibly human level – she opens up to him about
her concerns, he makes her laugh, and they recall seeing one another in the
middle school talent show in which they each appreciated the other’s talents.
While Chrissy’s time on the show is brief (if you know, you
know) and thus she doesn’t have a lot of time to connect with Eddie, that brief
time they spend together is incredibly impactful and it’s not a surprise to me
that many people saw a romantic potential there for the two - including the actors. Although the show
doesn’t really get the opportunity to flesh out their relationship, it honestly
wouldn’t surprise me if the show wanted that somewhat romantic subtext to be
there, but the thing about the inherently brief nature of Chrissy and Eddie’s
bond is that it’s a blank canvas – it can be romantic, but it doesn’t have to
be. As such, I think a platonic version of a bond like this would be absolutely
incredible, not just with Chrissy and Eddie becoming unlikely friends, but with
them becoming something that defies description, just as the pull they feel to
one another ultimately defies description.
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| Image description: It's surprisingly difficult to get a good picture of Chrissy and Eddie's conversation in the woods in the first episode of Stranger Things season four. But when you look at them individually and see the smiles they're wearing exclusively for each other, it's impossible not to get invested in this bond, brief though it is. |
In the aforementioned scene where Eddie and Chrissy first
interact, she tells him he’s not like she expected him to be, to which he quips
that she likely expected him to be scary, but that he expected her to be scary
too. It really highlights the way societal normals have driven them apart and
created a hierarchy, and that idea in and of itself is such a rich breeding
ground for all types of “odd couple” relationships. For that reason, a dynamic
like Chrissy and Eddie’s could exist in pretty much any story set in any time
period and within any context – heck, it could even work genderflipped, with a
popular and handsome boy connecting with a socially awkward girl. But for the
sake of an argument, let’s keep it in a setting like the one they already exist
in: a small town school with definitive ideas of social right and wrong, in
which a popular girl and a misfit boy connect over the real stuff.
In some ways, Eddie and Chrissy feel to me like a take on Beauty
and the Beast, in which two very different people can find common ground
despite the social morays that trap them, and why not make that into a platonic
bond? I would love to see a story where things start happening in an otherwise
quiet place and these two people end up being at the epicenter, thus relying on
one another when the entire world feels like it’s falling apart. By throwing in
their lot with each other, they would face scrutiny and pressure from those
around them because they’d be challenging the status quo.
Having one or especially both of these characters also be
aspec would only heighten this, and they would challenge the status quo even
more. In this way, they could find even greater common ground and an even more
increased desire to protect one another in a way that no one else can, and they
would share an understanding that would be even more precious to them both.
Give me Chrissy and Eddie getting to the heart of a larger threat or conspiracy
together. Let them succeed primarily because they’re able to see each other’s
strengths in a way no one else can or will. Show me these characters doing
anything to protect one another, becoming heroes in the process – even if
they’re only heroes to each other.
The tragedy of Chrissy and Eddie in Stranger Things
is the fact that they never get to further explore the bond that exists between
them, but what is tragedy for them is untapped potential for the rest of us. I
believe these two characters provide a terrific blueprint for how to write a
bond between two characters who, by all accounts, have no reason to interact,
but who share a profound connection when they do. Making this bond aspec and
platonic would, I believe, only serve to heighten it, turning it into a strong
platonic bond of opposites that work so very well together. And speaking of
which…
Mulder and
Scully
When talking about dynamic duos – especially male and female
ones and especially ones that are completely opposite of one another and yet
mesh so well – easily one of the most famous examples is that of Fox Mulder and
Dana Scully from the preeminent sci-fi mystery series The X-Files. The
series follows two FBI agents tasked with investigating strange occurrences and
inexplicable crimes, something which becomes fraught with tension and intrigue thanks to the fact that Mulder believes there are supernatural explanations for
all of these events – that “the truth is out there” – while Scully takes a more
scientific and analytical approach. They shouldn’t work as partners, and yet
they do, because despite the ways they differ and disagree, they always have
one another’s back.
Throughout the series, Mulder and Scully have one heck of a
will-they-won’t-they, one that continues – both ambiguously and unambiguously –
throughout the entire run of the show, thanks in no small part to the fact that
Mulder and Scully have an unbelievable amount of onscreen chemistry. That,
coupled with the extreme trust they share and the attractiveness of both
actors, makes them rich fodder for shipping, and their shippers were an
extremely vocal force throughout the run of the show. Even I admit to being a
fan of the pairing, despite how often I advocate for male/female partnerships
to remain platonic.
Recently, however, I happened to stumble upon someone’s
headcanon that Mulder and Scully should have been in a queerplatonic
relationship instead, and this one headcanon rewired how I see the pairing
entirely. A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is a committed relationship that
doesn’t involve romantic attraction; it nevertheless shares an element of
commitment that makes the people within the QPR like partners or significant
others. Honestly, if this doesn’t describe Mulder and Scully, I don’t know what
does.
Naturally, because The X-Files was created in the
1990s, the bond the pair shares became more romantic in nature as time went on,
with the two likewise becoming a sexual partnership and even co-parenting. But at the
core of their bond is something much more difficult to define, and many elements
of their partnership share overlap with a QPR, in that they share an intimacy
deeper than what the term friendship can cover, but which isn’t always overtly
romantic, especially in early seasons. For that reason, I believe the potential
is there for a connection like Mulder and Scully’s to exist in media again,
only this time with more overt QPR elements built into the narrative.
In fact, I believe a concept like that of The X-Files
– two people investigating the mysterious and unexplained against all odds – is
perfect fodder for something like that. Part of the reason why Mulder and
Scully’s bond is so compelling is because of how much they come to trust one
another and rely on one another; give me that energy in a QPR as they protect
one another from supernatural horrors. Give me that vibe while these two
characters save each other in a way that only they can. And above all, show me
a world where they are able to do these things better than anyone else can
exactly because they’re aspec. This pair being unique and their relationship
being different than most other relationships could be their strength as they
investigate things otherwise on the fringe of society, something they
understand because they too are on the fringe of society.
I love the idea of a Mulder character – a character who
believes in things no one else can see – being aspec, and I love even more the
idea of a character like this having a life partner who believes in them and in
their relationship, even when no one else can understand it. While that is very
similar to the canonical bond Mulder and Scully have already, I’d love to see
this in an overtly aspec and very queerplatonic way, showing us that in a world
of supernatural and mysterious things, a bond that is non-traditional but still
loving doesn’t have to be the strangest thing out there.
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| Image description: Mulder and Scully share an embrace in The X-Files. As stated, the two have an unbelievable amount of on-screen chemistry, but there's often a tenderness to them that really would lend itself to a terrific queerplatonic relationship in another world. |
Whether it’s deep friendships, queerplatonic relationships,
or other dynamics that defy traditional description, there are so many aspec or
aspec-adjacent relationships we could see portrayed in our media. This is my
fourth time doing a post under the umbrella of this topic, and there are still
so many more types of dynamics waiting to be discussed. The idea of finding
more of them is something I will always find exciting, and imagining a future
where these relationships are treated as just as important as romantic ones
will always be the north star I use when analyzing media and creating media of
my own. Both prospects remain, as they always have been, deeply rewarding.
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