Aspec Relationships I'd Love to See More of in Media, part 2
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| Image description: Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler as portrayed in the BBC series Sherlock. Holmes and Adler in various media are a good example of the weird tendency of certain adaptations to insert romance where none need be, something which is extra sad when you consider that their complicated relationship could have otherwise been very interesting. Today, I'm exploring the question of what would happen if Sherlock and Irene were allowed to be platonic, along with many other types of relationships in another post all about types of aspec relationships I'd love to see in media. |
In my recent post, my second attempt to “Redefine Romance,”
I discussed the types of relationships I enjoy in media. As an aspec person who
loves romance but doesn’t think it needs to be as prevalent in media as it is, I
often struggle with the fine line between relationships that should be romance
and ones that would be better off platonic. I likewise struggled when
discussing this topic in that post, because I don’t think there’s an easy
answer. However, I believe it's a fact that some relationships in media should
be allowed to be platonic and shouldn’t be forced into the romance category
when it isn’t necessary. Sex and romance don’t always have to be the answer.
While romance can be great for certain characters and
stories, I don’t think it has to be included in media all the time. Worse, I
think more platonic bonds are often treated as though they are less interesting
than romances and are portrayed as such, which absolutely does not have to be
the case. Even if these relationships are ones that people end up seeing
through the lens of shipping in the end, I think media would benefit from
allowing these relationships to stay platonic and still portraying them as interesting
and worthwhile, because there are so many diverse and fascinating character
dynamics that can be explored even when sex or romance are not present.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you may recall
that I did a post in 2024 discussing a few out-of-the-box aspec relationships I
wish we’d see more of in media, and I thought it would be a great thought
experiment to do the same thing again. Just like in the post last year, this
will be very subjective and will explore relationship dynamics I’ve either seen
glimpses of and want to see fleshed out more, or dynamics that could be
brilliantly aspec if only they’d be allowed to remain platonic, non-romantic, or non-sexual. These are just my own personal ideas for these kinds of
relationships; it is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it a universal list.
But as I said last time, having more platonic bonds of all kinds is what I want
most, so these are just a few ideas that I personally would love (no pun
intended) to see more of in media.
Mental
Adversaries Who Understand Each Other
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| Image description: Another image of Sherlock and Irene in Sherlock's season 2 episode "A Scandal in Belgravia" |
This relationship dynamic is one that I admittedly struggled to name. At first, I was thinking of it as sort of an Enemies to Friends dynamic, which is not only a somewhat accurate description, but also a type of relationship vibe I think there needs to be more of (I’ve never been a fan of Enemies to Lovers, but Enemies to Friends is rewarding beyond words, and even Enemies to Platonic Soulmates would take this up a notch). The colorful description of “Mental Adversaries Who Understand Each Other” was the best I could come up with to point to what I want, but perhaps it would be better to call it what it really is: “The Platonic Sherlock/Irene,” based on the dynamic between Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler in BBC’s Sherlock.
If you’re interested in seeing me really unpack the relationship between Sherlock and Irene as portrayed in the show, I highly recommend checking out my posts on Sherlock and its aspec issues (especially the second one, in which I really dive into the strange Irene/Sherlock dynamic). But just to briefly summarize, Irene Adler makes her primary appearance in the season two episode “A Scandal in Belgravia,” in which she is an exceptionally clever dominatrix who “beats” Sherlock at his own game – both figuratively and literally. This sets off a strange game of cat and mouse in which these two very different characters seem to understand each other all the same, intersecting repeatedly and crossing paths as they’re inexplicably drawn back into the game.
While I love the episode, I have a few major issues with how
Sherlock and Irene’s unusual relationship is portrayed in the show. For a
start, although Sherlock as a whole often took major liberties with
Sherlock Holmes canon, making it difficult to sight departure from canon as an
objection in this specific sense, the way Sherlock and Irene are portrayed in
the show is probably one of the more egregious examples. In the original story, A Scandal in Bohemia, Adler and Holmes’s interaction is so brief that it is literally categorized
as “blink-and-you’ll miss it.” Holmes respects Adler’s mastery of the game, but
that’s where their “relationship” begins and ends. It’s iconic, but it’s
certainly not romantic.
While Sherlock is not the first piece of
Holmes-related media to create a relationship for Adler and Holmes where none
exist, it’s still deeply frustrating, especially when you consider that Irene
as she’s portrayed in the show is actually supposed to be gay and identifies
herself as such in the episode in which she appears, “A Scandal in Belgravia.”
And to be clear, I have no problem with Irene and Sherlock having incompatible
sexualities and still being drawn to each other – on the contrary, that dynamic
is very interesting to me, and I think exploring it with respect for the
complexity of the situation actually could be terrific.
But to be honest, I have no idea what the show is trying to say
by implying that Irene fell in love with Sherlock or Sherlock with her. Due to
her line of work, Irene doubtless has male clients (although many of the ones
we are exposed to in the episode are specifically female), so if she and
Sherlock did have an off-screen physical relationship as many of the people
involved in the show seem to want to make us think, it wouldn’t be outside of
the realm of possibility for her. But the implication that a relationship
between the two of them would ever be possible feels not only disrespectful to
Sherlock’s aspec tendencies but to Irene’s actual stated identity (since she
specifically refers to herself as “gay” and not an identity like bisexual or
pansexual, etc).
It could be argued that Irene’s goal is not to make Sherlock
fall in love with her as much as it simply is to make Sherlock care about her
the way he cares about his other friends, and that it backfires because she
ends up caring about him too. In fact, that’s somewhat how I tend to interpret
their dynamic – not one of romantic and/or sexual fascination, but just one of
fascination in general, and I would love to see a relationship where that
notion was allowed to flourish. As I said, I’ve never been a fan of “Enemies to
Lovers,” but Enemies to Allies, especially with this level of depth and
understanding would be a rare treat if done in a non-romantic and non-sexual
way.
If I was writing a version of Sherlock and Irene that were
aspec or platonic, I’d create the same types of characters and completely
divorce them from the sexual elements. I’d cut out the mockery Sherlock faces
for not understanding sex, I’d cut out any implications of “did-they-or-didn’t-they,”
– and the more annoying implication in later seasons of “they-can-and-they-should”
– and I’d remove the flirting. In their place, I’d highlight the strange ways
Irene and Sherlock feel drawn to each other and the ways they seem to
understand and even complement each other, because those things don’t have to
be inherently sexual or romantic in order to be deeply enticing.
In fact, while I think this could work great with other
characters modeled in Sherlock and Irene’s mould, it would also work in future
Sherlock Holmes adaptations. Given Sherlock Holmes is one of the most enduringly
popular characters in the world, I don’t think Holmesian adaptations are going
anywhere any time soon, and as a Holmes fan, I think that’s a great thing. But
if there’s going to be future Sherlock Holmes based media – whether time period
appropriate or modern like Sherlock – I would love to see more
adaptations that acknowledge the intrinsically non-romantic nature of the
Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler bond.
Bonus: The
Platonic Sherlock/Molly
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| Image description: Molly Hooper and Sherlock Holmes in the BBC's Sherlock. |
In my previous Sherlock posts, I briefly mention how there are other female characters that are inexplicably pushed at Sherlock with romantic intentions and in every single instance, I believe these relationships would have been terrific if they were allowed to be platonic. But this isn’t just me being me; this is because the characters and the situations they’re in already have terrific platonic vibes that could be allowed to flourish if it weren’t for the show’s strange belief – especially in later seasons – that Sherlock should have a romantic relationship.
The first of these characters is season three’s Jeanine,
whom I mention in the original posts, but the even better candidate for this
argument is undoubtedly Molly Hooper – certainly not Sherlock’s adversary,
mental or otherwise, and in fact quite the opposite. But, since I’m already
talking about one platonic relationship I’d love to see for Sherlock, it makes
sense to briefly mention the other one, which in the show almost comes close to
existing, save for the fact that Molly is portrayed unerringly as being in love
with Sherlock.
Now, I don’t necessarily have a problem with this, as I
mention in my first post of this theme that I like the idea of relationships
where one character is in unrequited love with the other but doesn’t let this
be a sad thing. Not only do I think this would be a terrific thing to lean into
for Sherlock and Molly-esque characters, but I think there are some shades of
it in the show already, as the series’ ending makes it clear that Molly is
still an important and valued part of Sherlock’s life, even after events that
emphasize she’s still in love with him.
Throughout the show, the care and esteem Sherlock has for
Molly is allowed to develop further and further in ways that I often think are
quite special. For instance, in season three, Sherlock and Molly actually spend
the day solving crimes together and it’s clear during this interaction that he
considers her an important friend and someone very capable. Even sweeter, it’s
also clear that he genuinely wants her to be happy, and trusts her completely,
even when he can’t trust other people.
My only real complaint with how the series portrays Molly
and Sherlock’s relationship is not the fact that Molly has feelings for him,
but the way the show keeps drawing attention to that fact, even going so far as
to have Molly’s fiancé (eventually ex-fiancé) look a bit like Sherlock, as if
she’s so stuck on him that she found someone with a similar look just to
satisfy that need. However, it’s entirely possible this was meant simply to be
a visual gag and, although it has elements that bother me (such as Molly
feeling the need to tell Sherlock that she and her fiancé are “having quite a
lot of sex” to what is clearly his discomfort), I’m mostly willing to overlook
this and other issues the Sherlock/Molly bond may have.
While the series did have other great platonic
relationships, many of which I mention in my initial post, I do think
Sherlock/Molly would be the one I’d like to see recreated in a different piece
of media. The Molly character could even have a crush on the Sherlock character
and I think that could be played well, as I mention in my first “Aspec
Relationships I’d Love” post, or it could be a platonic crush (also like I
mention in that first post). Or, much like my ideas for a platonic Sherlock/Irene,
it could just be purely non-romantic all around. But either way, I think the
dynamic of spiky brainiac with poor social skills and their cinnamon roll sidekick
would definitely delight me to see in a totally platonic sense.
Indescribable
Bonds
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| Image description: The vestige of Mythal (left) comforts Solas as she released him from her service in Dragon Age: The Veilguard. |
Relationships and human feelings can sometimes be difficult to explain or quantify. As I said at the beginning of this post, this is where I ran into some trouble with my recent “Redefining Romance,” because it became very difficult to even describe what I’m hoping to see from certain types of relationships. But sometimes, that’s a good thing. In fact, bonds that are so deeply and closely forged that they defy description is not only something I’m intrigued by, but in some cases, these are bonds I myself have experienced or which I look upon with very high esteem.
However, some media struggles with the idea of ambiguity,
and certain mediums don’t do well with subtlety. This becomes especially true
when fandoms have the desire to always fill in the blanks – something which I
love as a fanfic writer and content creator, but which often has the unintended
consequence that we lose the charm of not truly knowing the truth in a
fictional world or story. As a result, character bonds and relationships that
eschew typical descriptors or are otherwise hard to define often don’t get
portrayed, or their depths often get too deeply explored and defined.
This is something I encounter a lot as a lover of both
history and fantasy in media of all kinds. For instance, some of my favorite
bits of fantasy world building come in the form of established fantasy worlds
that have rich lore and in-universe history propping up the world we’re
exploring. It’s always so fascinating to me to watch not only how these worlds
unfold in conjunction with the current plot of the story, but the way the lore
of the world such as religion, mythology, and culture all intersect in the
background. When you’re dealing with worlds that have long-standing lore,
spanning back hundreds or thousands of years, if not more, I’m even more
hooked.
Just like in real life, I think there is an inherent desire
to not only explore the lore of these pieces of media, but explain and
understand things more fully. However, just like this can be a difficult if not
downright impossible task in the real world, this is often portrayed as very
difficult within these fictional worlds and their stories. Trying to explain
mythological or historical events using a modern framework (whatever that means
within the context of the story) isn’t always possible, and that is done
deliberately.
Oftentimes these events and people are deliberately left up
for interpretation so that the media always contains an element of mystery, and
this is one of my favorite things about rich fantasy worlds with lots to
explore. In fact, I always enjoy when delving deeper into the lore and history
of the world is inherently baked into the media, something which is even better
in an interactive format such as a video game. Although it’s had mixed results
over the years, my favorite video game series Dragon Age has always had
this sort of discovery as a central part of its world.
Something I’ve always loved about the world of Dragon Age is that by the time we as players are experiencing the timeline, the world has had over a thousand years of history, mythology, and religion in which we are immersed and can discover new things. And many times, those ancient things are not content to remain in the past, instead coming forward with new and fascinating repercussions for our characters and their stories. This is an idea that is very much at the heart of Dragon Age: The Veilguard, the fourth (and likely final) game in the series. While I have some problems with this, the game did flesh out something that fans have been wondering for a while, which is the role of the Elven gods, who turn out to not be quite as divine as centuries of Elven lore and religion have taught. [Spoilers ahead]
This is perhaps best encapsulated by Solas, a character
first introduced in Dragon Age: Inquisition whose journey is further
fleshed out in Veilguard. In this game, we learn that Solas was once a
spirit of wisdom who had no interest in leaving the world of spirits to take
physical form in the “real” world. He only does so when his friend Mythal, who
was likewise once a spirit of benevolence, requests that he takes physical form
and pledges to serve her the way a trusted advisor or general would serve a
ruler and eventually a god.
Solas’s bond to Mythal becomes important later in the game,
especially for those players who are trying to unlock what is considered the
“good” ending, which involves Solas essentially being released from his service
to Mythal and as a result finally feeling as if he has been truly freed. The
lead up to this involves seeing Solas’s memories of his time together with
Mythal and how their indescribable bond developed, something which – like most
of Veilguard (at least from what I’ve heard, having not played the game
myself) – has several issues.
To be fair, I’ve discussed Solas and the idea of “vague representation” before, so this is definitely not a problem endemic only to Veilguard.
In fact, I think the Dragon Age series has a problem in general with
trying to keep certain ideas and concepts vague, but then undoing their own
work by prodding the player in a certain direction regardless. But when it
comes to Solas and Mythal, the game seems to double down on that usual problem
by allowing the game’s characters the opportunity to define what the pair was
to each other through a very narrow lens – and, even worse, one that is played
primarily for laughs.
This begins when the team sees one of Solas’s memories of
his past, during which Mythal refers to him as “love.” While this of course
could be a romantic form of endearment, it could also have other meanings; for
instance, as Mythal is the one who called Solas out of the realm of spirits to
take on an actual corporeal form, she could see herself as his protector, an
almost motherly figure, or she could be instead referring to him as a
dearly-held friend and companion. This is something that one of the elven
companions, Bellara, tries to introduce to the conversation, only to be shot
down.
When the team hears this endearment, Taash remarks “So they
were doing it?” – an already crass way to describe a relationship that, even if
it is romantic, doesn’t necessarily have to also be sexual. Bellara, the
character who has the most authority to speak on the subject, tells the group
that “the elven gods were free with their emotions. They felt things deeply.
The way they expressed things… well, it feels romantic to us, but that wasn’t
really how it was [back then].” However, Taash ignores Bellara’s input on the
subject and reasserts the idea that Solas and Mythal were “doing it,” something
the player can agree with using the same phrasing. If the player chooses this option, the rest of the party agrees that it was romantic, even Bellara
herself.
I have seen plenty of videos on YouTube that do not see this
scene as a joke and rather take it as confirmation that Solas and Mythal were
in a romantic relationship, thus severely limiting the ability to discuss Solas
and Mythal as a potentially platonic relationship. While I have (thankfully)
seen some people who still discuss the complicated intricacies in the
relationship and who believe it’s not so black and white as the game makes it
seem, I still deeply resent the fact that the game did not give this bond the
same type of consideration.
For this reason, I’d deeply love to see this same kind of
indescribable, undefinable bond played out in a different piece of media with
greater subtlety and deeper meaning. The relationship could even largely
function the same – a wise and powerful ruler alongside their devoted advisor
or trusted friend, whose unbreakable bond is everything to them – but the
biggest change could be the reactions of other characters.
Rather than treating this bond as a joke or assuming their
bond is inherently romantic and/or sexual, we could have the ambiguity be not
only played up but celebrated. Just like Bellara originally says, not all
relationships that center on deep feelings have to have these characteristics,
and if we acknowledge that perhaps some relationships can’t be defined so
clearly, I think we could see a truly interesting dynamic indeed. In fact, I’d
love to see this idea played up in a fantasy or historical setting, as I
believe it would be perfect for worldbuilding and lore, as I said earlier. This
leads me nicely to another type of dynamic – or, more accurately, dynamics – I
wish to see.
The Ideal
Romance, Hold the Romance
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| Image description: The 1900 painting "God Speed" by Edmund Blair Leighton, which depicts the painter's idea of a lady bestowing her favor on a knight. More on that in a minute. |
The idea of the ideal romance is another topic I discussed in depth in both of my “Redefining Romance” posts. In these posts, I mentioned that I think the ideal romance definitely has its place and that aspiring to have this – whatever it may mean to an individual – is not necessarily a bad thing; it only becomes a problem when an artificial metric of “ideal romance” is enforced, even for people who may not want it or share the same definition.
But I actually believe we could also take some of the
notions around the ideal romance and strip it of its romantic elements, instead
creating the same kind of bond in a totally platonic sense. While the ideal
romance can mean many things and everyone will have their own definition, many
people might picture the stereotypical “ideal romance” through the lens, as an
example, of a Disney prince and princess. More classically, you might picture a
heroic knight and the beloved who awaits their return. But what if that same
bond and its trappings were made totally platonic?
Returning to Disney as an example, I’ve been very grateful
for the recent string of Disney heroines who have ended up without a romance,
but what about a Disney couple that isn’t romantic? What about a prince and a
princess who stick together, but who only do so platonically? While it’s a bit
pie-in-the-sky to hope for such a bond in something as mainstream as Disney’s
animated canon, there’s no reason why other media can’t do this, especially in
a fantasy setting.
Creating aspec characters in extraordinary worlds is
something I’ve discussed for a long time, wondering why we create spectacular
worlds only to continually give them the same limitations in relationships that
we see in the real world. I believe we’re starting to see some positive change
in this direction, as fantasy worlds are often rife with things like redone
fairy tales or reimagined classical dynamics, allowing for greater diversity in
gender, race, and sexuality. But as a long-time fan of fantasy and science
fiction stories, I often wonder why we can imagine wonderful things from
dragons and magic to spaceships and aliens, yet we still struggle to create
worlds where typically fantastical tropes are given an aspec life specifically,
or at the very least, an aspec-friendly or purely platonic one.
For instance, imagine the trope of “The Lady’s Favor” – the historical
concept of a lady giving a knight a token of her esteem when they go off to a
tournament or something similar – but in a totally platonic sense. My good
friend Laura had this idea and pointed out it would essentially be like
friendship bracelets, and I admit I’m utterly charmed by the idea of
historical/fantasy platonic favors having that exact function. Beyond just aspec
knights and princesses, I long for heroes who slay dragons for their best
friend or platonic soulmate, not their love interest – or heck, let’s take it a
step further, and give me princesses who befriend the dragons. Give me stories
where an aspec prince who gets turned into a frog needs a friend’s aid, not
true love’s kiss. And above all, give me happy endings that aren’t tied to
romance, because as much as I love a good romantic happy ending, they’re not
the be all to end all.
This doesn’t just extend to these worlds and stories,
however, nor does it have to begin and end with their related tropes alone.
Rather, I think a great many tropes – both inherently romantic tropes and
otherwise – can be made platonic in ways that would actually be quite
fascinating. For instance, imagine a superhero tale about a hero who becomes
important to a regular person who simply wishes for a hero to believe in rather
than falling in love with them, or a historical romance tale where the lord and
lady become snarky best friends rather than getting tangled in a melodramatic tale
of love.
As a writer, I could – and often do – go on and on about how
many great platonic relationships we could have. And, as a writer, I hope
someday I can write many of these bonds myself. But I can’t do it alone. I
believe that good representation, whether it be aspec representation or simply
the depiction of good platonic relationships, requires a deep well to draw from
so that way we can have a vast and diverse spectrum of stories to choose from.
A few characters can’t do all the work, and so the best way to see these things
come to fruition is to have many. And I think the best way to start is just by
talking about the relationships that work and the relationships that don’t in
the hope that we can have better ones.
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| Image description: Another painting by Edmund Blair Leighton, this one 1908's "The Dedication." While I admit that I, not knowing much about art, don't know entirely what this depicts (apart from a knight leaving for the Crusades), I already want a story about these two characters in a totally platonic or aspec-friendly sense. |
As I’ve said many times before, talking about issues that affect aspec people isn’t just to aspec people’s benefit, but to the benefit of all people, regardless of situation or identity. In the same way, I believe creating better aspec and platonic relationships is to everyone’s benefit too. Having a great platonic dynamic doesn’t just provide a comfort piece of media or a character to identify with for someone like me; it also allows people to not only experience new and interesting character dynamics and potentially learn something, but helps give them something they may need too.
Aphobia doesn’t just touch the lives of aspec people;
rather, I believe it affects everyone who has ever tried to prioritize something other than romance in their life or who has wanted to focus on themselves for a
time or who wants to do any number of things that don’t often fall under the
scope of “normal.” While this subjective list of aspec relationships is what I myself would personally like to see and I know everyone is a little different, I believe that even
just thinking about this subject creates tremendous potential for better media
and more exciting relationships in that media. As we wrap up February, the
month of Valentine’s Day and an increased level of romance, I think it’s
important to remember that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is
consider other possibilities.
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