Aspec Relationships I'd Love to See More of in Media
 |
| Image description: Concept art from the original concept of the Disney animated film, Wish. In this concept, the fallen star was going to take the form of a young man and go on an emotional journey with main character Asha, the two being described as "soulmates." But while the internet obviously longs for that to be a romantic concept, does it have to be? Today I explore some ideas about types of relationships I'd love to see for aspec characters or just generally non-sexual and/or non-romantic people and why I think they'd be so great. |
Today, I’m not going to be discussing any one specific
character – whether they’re canonically aspec or just a character I feel has
aspec vibes – nor am I going to be deep diving into any one specific piece of
media. Rather, because my biggest frustrations when I analyze media tend to be
how relationships are portrayed or how people respond to them, I thought it
would be interesting to look at this topic through a more positive lens and in
a broader sense. As aspec representation increases, I feel many aspec
characters tend to either be portrayed by themselves or are part of stories centered
on how asexual-spectrum romances would work with allosexual and/or alloromantic
partners. But what about other types of relationships – maybe even exclusively
aspec ones – that are less commonly explored? I believe there are many types of
these relationships hiding in plain sight that could yield fascinating results
and maybe even excellent representation if they were allowed to be portrayed.
Admittedly this is a very subjective topic today. These are,
personally, relationships that I would enjoy seeing, many of which I’ve seen
brief glimpses of in media already and that leave me wanting more. Other aspec
people might not agree, and may not enjoy these relationships or find them
useful. But to me, one of the most important elements of aspec representation –
and, perhaps more importantly at this time, aspec visibility – is that we have
a deep and varied well to draw from. Therefore, while these are only a small
number of the types of amazing and diverse aspec relationships we could see in
media, I think they’d be great starting points. So, without further ado, here’s
my list of relationships I’d love to see for aspec characters in media.
“Ride Or Die”
Platonic Friendships
A few of my favorite aspec relationship vibes come from the
aspec books I’ve read and reviewed for the blog, and this first on my list is
no exception. Without a doubt, one of my all-time favorite aspec relationships
is the purely platonic bond between the supersoldiers known as 06 and 22 in the
novels by Nicole Kornher-Stace. [Spoilers ahead] 06 and 22 first appear
in the 2015 novel Archivist Wasp, but they appear in a total of four
books (and even more stories), spanning a vast distance of time. Their story begins
when they are taken as children by the Latchkey Project, a secret research
program designed to turn them and other children into weapons to help fight an
endless corporate war. Having trained together as a duo, the two surpass the
idea of best friends or even surrogate siblings and instead harbor an even
deeper love that is completely non-romantic.
The author herself has said these two are besties for life (and
beyond) and often describes them as “ride or die,” a term which refers to unyielding
loyalty. Male/female platonic ride or die bonds are among some of my favorites
– as my lists of favorite friendships usually demonstrate – and when it comes
to this notion, I’d be hard-pressed to find any pair as unwaveringly loyal to
each other as 06 and 22. Whether it’s the dedication they have to each other
even as children, as seen primarily in the 2023 novella Flight & Anchor,
or the way they take “ride or die” a little too literally in Firebreak, I
absolutely love the bond these two share, and how natural and ingrained it is
for them.
 |
| Image description: The cover of the 06 and 22-centric novella, Flight & Anchor, obtained from Nicole Kornher-Stace's Twitter. |
Per her own descriptions, ride or die male/female platonic bonds are extremely important to Nicole Kornher-Stace and to her work in general. On her website, she describes these types of relationships as the ones she herself would have benefitted from seeing when she was younger and often didn’t get to see, inspiring her to create as many of them as possible as an adult author. In fact, 22 himself is the center of more than one excellent male/female platonic bond, as we see in Archivist Wasp and its sequel with the titular character, as well as again in Firebreak with Mal.
BONUS: The
Platonic Crush
Speaking of which, the relationship between Mal and 22 – that
is to say, Mal’s completely platonic crush on him – is incredibly near and dear
to my heart. Not only does it describe something that I’ve experienced many
times in my life, but it’s a type of relationship that I’ve rarely if ever seen
explored in media, and yet which has such tremendous potential. As someone who
always had crushes on fictional characters and unattainable celebrities, it
wasn’t hard for me to imagine a platonic crush even before I realized I was
aspec. And yet, I feel like it’s rare to see those types of crushes or
relationships played well, and often these things are treated either as
unhealthy, jump straight to romance, or are instead seen as baffling. Frankly,
people being baffled by these types of crushes baffles me since, as I said,
this has always been a part of my life, and has become increasingly so over the
years. To me, their confusion makes it all the clearer that we need more of
these portrayals.
Something Nicole Kornher-Stace said about this relationship
in particular, especially in regards to people expressing confusion about what
a platonic crush even is, will stick with me for a good long while: “We’re used
to seeing romantic insta-love in books, or romantic/sexual interest that isn’t
necessarily intellectually understood by the character experiencing it, but I
wanted to write that same kind of intensity of obsession totally removed from
any kind of romantic/sexual motivation. If romantic love doesn’t have to make
intellectual ‘sense,’ then platonic love shouldn’t either.” This quote makes me
crave more bonds like Mal's with 22 and more friendships like 06 and
22’s – and makes me think of the potential for amazing storytelling that can be
found there.
Unrequited Love
Doesn’t Have to Be Sad
Throughout most media and in real life, the idea of
unrequited love – in which one person loves someone who can’t or won’t love
them back – is almost always portrayed as tragic. It’s portrayed as a
representation of eternal longing and wanting something you can never have, and
it’s often set up as the thing that will break characters if they let it. But
what if that didn’t have to be a thing? What if unrequited love wasn’t
sorrowful? What if it was just a different kind of love? Speaking of aspec
books once again, this very unique spin on the concept came courtesy of the Skyward Saga trilogy by Alex London, [spoilers!] specifically through the
characters of Kylee and Nyall.
Kylee is one of the trilogy’s main protagonists and is also
its aspec character; although it’s never confirmed in so many words, it seems
likely she’s specifically an aromantic asexual. Nyall, meanwhile, is a
childhood friend of Kylee and her brother, Brysen, and has harbored a very
obvious crush on Kylee for years. However, unlike in most cases where a
non-sexual, non-romantic character is made out to be deficient or the problem
if they don’t return the affections of a presumed allosexual character, this is
never the case for Kylee, and her relationship with Nyall is never portrayed
that way. In fact, Nyall knows that Kylee will never return his affections and
is fine with this. He even discusses it with Brysen at one point during the first novel in a quote I found extremely compelling.
“It’s like this,” Nyall tells Brysen when pressed on the
subject. “People love the moon. But the moon doesn’t love them back. It just
is. Our love for it doesn’t require it to love us in return. I’d rather live in
a world where I get to love the moon than in one where I don’t, even if the
moon won’t return the feeling.” As someone who loves both the moon and has a
huge platonic crush on an unattainable celebrity with moon associations, this
quote speaks to me, and is also very intriguing. It makes me think of Kylee and
Nyall’s relationship as being a bit like the dynamic between a lady and her
loyal knight, especially in Red Skies Falling, the second book in the
trilogy where he acts as her friend, confidant, and even something of a
bodyguard. The trust they have for each other, especially in an otherwise
hostile environment, is something I would love from any friendship – again, especially
a male/female one.
Personally, if the Kylee/Nyall dynamic were to be reproduced
in anything else, I’d love to see the lady and knight dynamic be highlighted
even more, even if it didn’t actually involve a lady and a knight in the
literal sense. If it were me, I’d remove even the playful or innocent flirting
Nyall engages in and make it even more abundantly clear that Nyall is glad to
exist in Kylee’s orbit, even though she won’t love him back. So often in our
media, we think of traditional happy endings as being largely dependent on the
hero finding a romantic partner or winning the love of someone who didn’t love
them previously. Therefore, I think it would be amazing if two characters like
Kylee and Nyall got a happy ending that is based on love but not about romance.
They could love and trust one another without it involving a kiss, a declaration
of romantic love, or anything sexual, and that, I think, would be extremely valuable.
Not only that, but it leads me nicely into the next aspec relationship type.
Platonic
Soulmates
Earlier this year, I did a post called “Redefining Romance,”
during which I spoke at length about the original concept for the Disney
animated feature, Wish. Apparently, earlier in the story’s development,
the anthropomorphic wishing star that represented main character Asha’s
powerful wish was actually supposed to be a young man, whom the internet dubbed
“Starboy.” The character went through several different iterations during this
stage of the project and by all accounts it seems like one of the frontrunners
for this concept involved a romance between Asha and Starboy. This is evidenced
by the fact that an earlier draft of “At All Costs,” one of the film’s songs,
was far more romantic and seemed to be a love confession duet between the two.
Additionally, in a book detailing Wish’s development, the section about the star’s original “Starboy” concepts describes an idea where the character was non-speaking, communicating largely through miming and gestures. The book also quotes Allison Moore, one of the film’s writers, as saying this iteration of the story and the character became an emotional story between Starboy and Asha, whom she describes as soulmates. Naturally, between this and the original version of “At All Costs,” the internet did what it does best and was off and running with Asha and Starboy as a romantic pairing – and, given the evidence and the idea of “wasted potential,” I can’t say I blame them. But I also don’t think it’s as simple as all that.
 |
| Image description: Another beautiful bit of the original concept art for Starboy and Asha in Wish. How amazing would this be if we got this dynamic in a totally platonic way? |
I won’t go too far into the reasons why I think a romance between these two characters wouldn’t have actually worked, since I discuss it in depth in the aforementioned “Redefining Romance” post. But for the sake of this post, I will say it’s a disappointment that neither the writers of that original concept nor most of the internet seem to have considered the idea of platonic soulmates. Platonic soulmates is something I’ve always advocated for, but Asha and Starboy have brought the concept back to my mind even more clearly because I think they would be a great example of this, especially when paired with that original idea of Starboy being a literal manifestation of a star, unable to speak and largely unaware of the world around him, relying on Asha as his partner in what’s described as an “emotional journey.”
As I’ve probably made abundantly clear even just in this
post alone, I am a huge fan of characters who completely understand and accept
each other, but whose understanding is framed as utterly non-romantic and
non-sexual. Especially in a story where Asha and Starboy had to guide one
another on their journey, the potential for their complete and perfect
understanding of one another could have been beautiful and could have shown
that true love doesn’t have to solely be romantic. These two could have been
ride or die best friends like in my first example, or they could have been
non-romantic soulmates. To me, more than anything else, this was Wish’s
true wasted potential, although there’s always hope that this concept returns
in another story someday soon.
Non-romantic
Marriage
While this next relationship might sound oddly specific and maybe
a bit zany, I assure you I have a very specific precedence for it: the
characters of Odo and Lwaxana from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. When I
was writing my post all about Odo’s character in 2023, I found myself with a
lot of positive things to say about the surprisingly poignant bond between these
two characters, but I also had some issues too. For those unfamiliar with the
show, Odo is a series regular on DS9 and comes from an alien race known as “the Changelings” – a shapeshifting race whose rarity means Odo has spent most of
his life feeling like an outsider and someone who cannot be truly understood.
He also has plenty of aspec vibes, especially earlier in the series.
In the show’s first season, Odo meets Lwaxana Troi, who
could not be more his opposite if she tried. Compared to the duty-driven and
taciturn Odo, Lwaxana is vivacious, emotional, and talkative – so of course
hilarity ensues when the two are stranded for hours together in a broken
turbolift. However, this lightheartedness eventually turns to real sincerity
the longer this predicament goes on because Odo, as a shapeshifter, must return
to a liquid form every sixteen hours, something he has never been forced to do
in front of other people before. However, Lwaxana understands the vulnerable
position this puts Odo in and, despite the ways she’s hounded and pursued Odo
up until this point, takes care of him in a very genuine and tender way. The
pair share the vulnerable moment together, opening up to each other in a way
neither of them often gets to do.
This all comes back around in the fourth season when Lwaxana
returns and asks for Odo’s help to escape the whims of her new husband. To
accomplish this, Odo decides to marry Lwaxana instead, which will free her from
her predicament based on the laws of her husband’s people. The one caveat is
that Odo must make it seem like he really wants to marry her. While normally
this would seem like an insurmountable issue, we see throughout the episode how
deeply the two have come to care for one another, which makes it even more
poignant when Odo delivers a convincing speech about his love for her.
“Before I met her, my world was a much smaller place,” Odo
says, after insisting that Lwaxana is “not just any woman” to him. “I kept to
myself, I didn’t need anyone else, and I took pride in that. The truth is I was
ashamed of what I was – afraid that if people saw how truly different I was,
they would recoil from me. Lwaxana saw how different I was and she didn’t
recoil. She wanted to see more. For the first time in my life, someone wanted
me as I was, and that changed me forever. The day I met her is the day I
stopped being alone, and I want her to be part of my life from this day on.”
It’s a beautiful speech, and I believe the fact that we as the audience
know this love is platonic rather than romantic makes it even more special –
and even more true when he calls Lwaxana his beloved.
The only thing that puts a damper on all of this for me is
that Lwaxana’s love for Odo is inherently romantic only and, unlike in my
previous examples, she is not content to just be in Odo’s orbit. While that’s
completely valid, of course, it makes me feel like some of the beautiful
platonic nature of this scene is sadly wasted, and makes me wish that there was
another version of this type of relationship that fills in the gaps of this
one. In some ways, my ideal version of Odo and Lwaxana would be either of the
two previous relationship types I’ve discussed here, or even a combination of
the two. Regardless, I think there is so much here that has potential for other
storytelling and makes me want to see the concept of the aromantic and/or
asexual marriage fleshed out more, especially because there’s only one other
time I’ve seen the concept played with.
Once again referencing an aspec book I've read and reviewed, a
much more subtle example comes briefly in Tarnished Are the Stars by
Rosiee Thor [spoilers ahead!]. In that story, two of the main characters/narrators – Nathaniel
and Eliza – are betrothed to one another, and Nathaniel’s dread at the
betrothal helps us as readers begin to guess that he is potentially aspec.
However, for Nathaniel himself, it’s actually Eliza that helps him realize his
aromantic asexual identity. Eliza is also queer, and so not only was their
betrothal as unpalatable to her as it was to him, but her identity allows her
to understand Nathaniel even more, leading to a very sweet connection. Sadly,
it felt like this connection was all too minor in the story, since the rest of
the plot centered on other elements, but I think the potential was there.
Nathaniel and Eliza – much like Odo and Lwaxana – represent
the idea of two seemingly incompatible people finding safety and comfort in
each other. I would love to see a story where two characters similarly find one
another, and decide to enter into a completely non-romantic arrangement to
protect each other from whatever outside force assails one or both of them. I
would love to see that bond be the main focus of a story, and have the
friendship that grows between them be more powerful than a romance for either
of them, showing that great love stories can indeed be completely non-romantic.
For me, some of my favorite bonds of any kind are ones where
two people are shown helping each other through the hardships of day-to-day
life, and where the trust and respect they have for one another are shown to be
the driving forces that let them accomplish that. Some of the best marriages –
both in media and in real life – tend to be the ones built on those
foundations, and where oftentimes what society traditionally deems as
“romantic” has given way to that shared sense of safety and support. For that reason,
I believe stories featuring platonic marriages would actually be quite
enjoyable, not just to me or someone like me, but to plenty of people.
 |
| Image description: Odo and Lwaxana during their wedding in "The Muse," a truly tender and sweet scene that I would love to see inspire other non-romantic bonds and relationships in future. See also this article on startrek.com about these two as an aromantic love story. |
Of course, I can acknowledge that aspec identities are the
minority, and I’ve spoken before about how I’m willing to accept that the world
is often not made for people like me. However, I don’t think it’s fair that
aspec people are frequently made to accept the idea of being pushed aside and
devalued in everything from our fandoms to the media we love. For that reason,
I believe that making alternate types of relationships more visible to people
is essential. If we can start showing aspec characters as well as
aspec-friendly or aspec-specific relationships, maybe we can start emphasizing
that these things should be treated with just as much depth and seriousness as
allosexual/alloromantic ones.
Wanting to see greater platonic representation, deeper
friendships, and deconstructions of typically romantic archetypes isn’t just a little
daydream of mine. Rather, I truly believe that celebrating these things as much
as we celebrate romantic and/or sexual relationships is the true path to
greater visibility and representation. Maybe if these things are more prevalent
in our media, aspec identities and culture will be allowed to be part of the
larger media conversation. But even more than wanting these things as an aspec
person, I want these things as a storyteller, because I believe they will not
only lead to greater and more diverse representation, but to greater and more
diverse stories as well. And what’s not to love about that?
Comments
Post a Comment