Accidentally Aspec-Friendly Romance: Celebrating Some New Favorite Pieces of Media
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| Image description: The cover image of Seeking Persephone, a Regency-era romance that has largely taken over my life these past few months. As with most of my obsessions, I feel the need to talk about it, because as an aspec fan, I think I have some interesting perspectives on this and other media that has come to my attention recently. |
Since
writing that post, I encountered even more romantic media that
I’ve come to really love and want to discuss, chiefly because of one overall
factor that jumps out at me: they are accidentally
aspec-friendly. Admittedly, that might seem a little obvious – after all,
something I discuss a great deal on the blog is the fact that I am not only
AroAce, but sex-repulsed. Therefore, any romance (and any media in general)
that I enjoy is not going to be overly sexual, and therefore could be described
as being “aspec-friendly” by default, at least according to my own definitions.
But I think it goes deeper than that.
Of course,
this is a topic with a lot of room for interpretation. For instance, if you’re
aspec and you dislike or are made uncomfortable by romance in general, these
pieces of media will not match your own definition of what being aspec friendly
means. Even my own definitions are a bit complicated, as I will discuss as the
post goes on. But in broadest terms, my idea of being aspec-friendly is more than
a piece of media just being comfortably watchable. In fact, there’s plenty of
media I love which does not contain explicit sex that I would
nevertheless not define as aspec-friendly. There’s also a lot of media that doesn’t
rely on romance or which has important plots outside of romance that I still
think cannot quite capture the essence of being accidentally aspec-friendly.
So in
today’s post, I’d like to unpack what about these new pieces of media has made
me feel this way and why. I admit I also just want an excuse to focus on the
aforementioned new romances I’ve been enjoying over the past few months and celebrate
what makes them special. In bygone years around my birthday, I used to put
together what I liked to call an “Ace Safe Space List,” so in a way, I am
considering this a successor of that, a fun way to explore some of the media
that has made me happy lately, with a bit of analysis included for good
measure. So, without further ado, please allow me to gush about these new
faves.
How I
choose to define “aspec-friendly”
As I said in
my intro, every aspec person is going to have different definitions for what it
means to be aspec-friendly. While some aspec people don’t mind sexually
explicit content, for example, some of us do, or some of us are selective about
what we want to see presented and how. For me, of course, I need my content to
be without explicit sex, and to have any such things merely implied, alluded
to, or otherwise in the background in order for me to be able to interface with it
at all. But even that doesn’t guarantee that a piece of media will be what I
would consider aspec-friendly.
For
instance, I recently watched the film Titanic for the first time in a
very long time. When I was younger, I was allowed to see a TV-friendly version
of the movie, but I honestly didn’t remember much of it, and so was glad to
take the opportunity to sit down and watch it again. Although the iconic lovers
at the center of the story – Jack and Rose – do [spoilers!] have sex and there is of course
nudity in the drawing scene, the movie isn’t a terrible watch for me. It’s not
as graphic or explicit as a lot of modern media is, and so I can watch it without
great issue. But I would not consider it aspec-friendly, since the story does
rely on these more sexual elements, despite them not being presented in a graphically explicit way.
Another
example I’ve experienced recently is the Mistborn series by Brandon
Sanderson. Thanks to recommendations from friends, I have been getting very
into Sanderson’s works lately – something I’ll discuss a bit later in the year
when I do a round-up of what I’ve been reading in 2026 – and part of what I
enjoy about his novels is that they are not sexually explicit. However, for as
addicted as I have been to Mistborn and as much as I have been loving
the novels, I would say that they are not entirely aspec-friendly because, although
there is not explicit sexual content in them, there is a lot of sexual violence
baked into the harsh world of the Final Empire, whether in the background or
the forefront.
I hope these
two examples serve as something of an indicator for why this issue can be a bit
difficult to quantify. They represent just a fraction of instances where I
enjoy a piece of media, but can’t wholeheartedly describe it as aspec-friendly,
which is part of what makes the media I want to discuss in today’s post all the
more noteworthy, especially given these pieces of media are primarily romances.
To me, aspec-friendly romances can be especially difficult to find, not only
because of the tendency for sex to be included in these portrayals, but because
romantic media has a tendency to fall into aphobic tropes.
For this
reason, another example I could give of a piece of media I love that doesn’t
quite pass the “aspec-friendly” test despite not being explicit is Downton
Abbey. Any long-time reader of the blog knows I love Downton Abbey –
in fact, the show’s main couple, Mary and Matthew Crawley, have been among my
favorite fictional couples of all time, and were my cover image for my
previously mentioned “Why I Ship” post. But, if you’ve read the blog for a
while, you also know that Downton Abbey frustrates me despite my love of
it, primarily because of the way it relies on tropes I consider to be downright problematic at times. And so, despite my love for it, and despite the fact that it
otherwise is not sexually explicit, I do wonder if I could ever call it
aspec-friendly for these reasons.
As I said in
that previous post and as someone who often discusses the problems caused in
society by an overemphasis on romance, it can be difficult for me to fully
embrace a lot of romantic media, despite my love of romance. Like Downton
Abbey proves, romantic media can be a minefield of various aspec-unfriendly
elements, and even my favorite romantic pairings, stories, and tropes can be a
slippery slope. Even the fandoms of these pieces of media can contribute to
that discomfort in various ways. But this is where accidentally aspec vibes can
play such an important role, and that’s part of what I want to explore in
today’s post.
Just like
the idea of designating something as “aspec friendly” or “aspec unfriendly” can
be a challenge, quantifying what gives something “aspec vibes” is especially
difficult. Using this term is often something I do when I have no other way to
really describe what I’m seeing in characters – something which is especially
difficult thanks to the pronounced lack of aspec representation of any kind in
media. Just like these other terms, the idea of aspec vibes can change from
person to person or depending on the situation, so I do my best when using this
admittedly lacking term. But in my experience, something gives me aspec vibes
when I can imagine the characters might be on the asexual spectrum, or when the
media they’re in handles them, their relationships, and their stories in ways
that are not inherently reliant on the usually sexual and/or romantic tropes
media teaches us to see. Again, I realize this might be a little confusing, but
I hope it might become clearer as I discuss the media I want to discuss today.
Ladyhawke
First up in
today’s post is Ladyhawke, a 1985 fantasy film. The story begins by
introducing us to Phillipe Gaston, a young thief in medieval France who finds himself, quite by accident, ensnared in the story of two star-crossed lovers –
the lovely Isabeau and the stalwart Navarre. Two years earlier, the Bishop of
Aquila coveted Isabeau and was incensed when he discovered she was already in
love with Navarre, and thereby called upon the powers of Hell to curse the pair
for eternity. [Spoilers!] The curse ensures they are together, but can never truly be with
one another – during the day, Isabeau is forced to take on the form of a hawk,
and by night, Navarre transforms into a wolf. When Phillipe escapes the dungeon
of Aquila, he encounters Navarre, who wishes for Phillipe to help him in the
impossible task of sneaking back into Aquila so he can finally kill the bishop
in revenge for the curse, but the young thief instead finds himself invested in
the story of the lovers in anticipation of the day that something comes to
finally lift the curse that binds them.
So here’s
the thing about Ladyhawke. I had heard of the film and knew its basic
plot previously thanks to things I had seen online, but knew very little other
than the hook of two lovers cursed to be together but separated from each other
by this curse. So, when I happened to see that the film was free on YouTube at the time, I
of course sat down to watch it with zero expectations; I was surprised to find
that the movie is schlocky, a little madcap, and completely delightful.
I am not ashamed to admit I fell in instant love with this movie and have
watched it three times in the past two months.
The best way
I can describe the movie is that it feels a little like The Princess Bride,
but whereas The Princess Bride is deliberately glib and tongue-in-cheek
about its goofier elements, Ladyhawke is played completely serious. For
instance, there is a scene where Navarre attacks someone in his wolf-form and
the first thing that sprang to mind for me was the Rodents of Unusual Size
scene in The Princess Bride – if you know, you know. Add to that an
anachronistically synth-heavy (and very 80’s) soundtrack, some strange
direction/editing choices, and several plotholes, and it’s quite a ride, but as
I said, one that I can’t help but enjoy.
I’ve had a
lot of fun with this movie and I sincerely believe that, despite the weirdness
of certain choices or the corniness of some elements, there’s a lot to like –
especially the characters. But obviously, the core of this story is the romance
between Isabeau and Navarre, and not only do I think the romance really works,
but I found myself surprised and delighted by how accidentally aspec their
relationship is. The plot drops us in the middle of Navarre and Isabeau’s story
– we are never told much about how they met or how their relationship
developed, we see nothing about how their curse first came to be or how they
handled it, and in fact the two only get to actually interact for about five
minutes of the movie. Normally, as both a romance writer and enjoyer, this
would bother me, since I feel a believable romance has to be one that develops
naturally and organically; but somehow, Ladyhawke makes the romance
between the pair as achingly perfect as if we got to see them interact the
entire time.
The reason
for this, I think, is two-fold. The first reason is that the film plays with
tropes that I already love, such as giving us a strong and established pair
from the get-go who persevere even when their love is tested. The second reason
is because, while the film makes good use of certain love story tropes like the
one I just mentioned, it’s able to very deliberately sidestep other ones
primarily because Isabeau and Navarre never interact. We are dropped into the
middle of their cursed existence, since the movie begins when they have already
been cursed for two years, but we can see that the pair still loves one another
as much as they ever did, and that is not only powerful, but very
aspec-friendly if you ask me.
After my
first viewing, in which I realized just how much I enjoyed the
film, I found myself thinking about it, and realized that the curse makes
Isabeau and Navarre’s love so much more powerful because it takes it out of a
realm of physical attraction or physicality in general and moves it into the
realm of something so much more tender. The curse makes it so that Isabeau and
Navarre haven’t been able to share much more than a brief glance in over two
years, but their love still remains strong and their desire to be together
motivates them, even as they face danger at every turn.
Their love
doesn’t rely on the superficial elements, nor on anything grander than just the
devotion they share. Throughout the entire movie, they only ever share a brief
kiss, showing that a romance so tender and inspiring doesn’t need passionate
kisses or romantic scenes to be quietly powerful; if anything, I find Isabeau
and Navarre a more believable pair than many other romantic couples that do
have those grand elements, and their love story is all the more epic exactly
because it doesn’t include these things. It’s the kind of romance I wish there
was more of, since it shows the power of romance without making it forced,
in-your-face, or ubiquitous. That, I believe, is truly romantic.
Seeking Persephone
In late
June, my dear friend Laura sent me a message on our personal Discord server
with a simple thesis: “I think I found our new obsession.” What followed were
links to short videos she had been watching, all focused on a show called Seeking
Persephone, and let me tell you, when Laura predicted we would soon be
obsessed, truer words have never been spoken. When it comes to writing romance,
Laura is often my partner in crime; as such, she knows what speaks to me in a
romance, and often feels the same thanks to her own identity. Therefore, it’s
not exactly surprising that our new obsession includes these things, but it has
definitely added to our enjoyment of this new piece of media. And it has,
undoubtedly, contributed to the success of this show in general.
Adapted from
the novel of the same name by romance author Sarah M. Eden, Seeking
Persephone follows a young woman named Persephone Lancaster, the eldest
daughter of a struggling family, who finds her life unexpectedly changing
direction when she receives an extremely lucrative marriage proposal from Adam
Boyce, the Duke of Kielder. Although she knows nothing about him and the
prospect is somewhat overwhelming, the staggering sum he offers for her hand in
marriage will save her family from ruin, so she accepts.
Meanwhile,
her bridegroom is not looking forward to the match, which has been suggested to
him as a way of protecting his estate from potentially being inherited by a
cousin in future. His hope is that the woman chosen for him is someone who will
be swayed by a need of the money and, with any luck, will be desperate enough
to accept him. Why? Because Adam’s face is extensively scarred – thanks to
childhood surgeries to try and “locate” the ear he was born without, we find
out later. Adam’s scars, both external and internal, have led him to cultivate
a cold personality, his reputation fearsome and unyielding.
But, as
Persephone is able to quickly discover, most of this is Adam’s way of keeping
people from hurting or abandoning him, something which he’s experienced
habitually throughout his life. Underneath the pain and frustration, there lies
a tender heart, one which Persephone is able to unlock as time goes on and
genuine romance begins to blossom between them. What follows is a beautiful and
emotional slow-burn romance set in Regency-era England with amazing characters
and a story so memorable that Laura and I have basically been telling everyone
we know about why they should watch it and get as obsessed as we are.
The reasons
for my obsession with the show are obvious – I’m a sucker for a well-told slow
burn, I love memorable characters, and the show makes terrific use of so many
romantic story beats that I just adore, including two romantic leads who
understand one another. As Persephone’s name doubtless demonstrates, the story
contains some elements of the story of Hades and Persephone, as well as
elements of the similar story of Beauty and the Beast, both of which
just serve to make the story all the more delightful, offering humanizing
twists on familiar characters archetypes and ideas.
But of
course, a huge reason why this show captured me so much is because most of Adam
and Persephone’s relationship unfolds slowly and tenderly. The love that
blossoms between them feels like an incredibly deep bond, forged not through
the physical, but through the emotional, so much so that I have personally
started headcanoning Adam in particular as a demisexual character – something
that I will doubtless discuss in future posts. While Adam coding to me as aspec
is not the only reason why the story feels aspec friendly, it certainly
contributes to the idea of it, because Adam being this way is respected; his
character is explored and his motives are understood in ways that I find deeply
moving.
In many
cases, a character of any stripe being respected like this is very rare,
something that is underscored if you choose to view Adam through the lens of
being demisexual and/or demiromantic. Even when his friends and family urge him
not to let Persephone’s love slip through his fingers, it never feels like
they’re bullying him to do something he doesn’t want to do. They recognize he
wants Persephone in his life but doesn’t believe he can be the man she needs,
and so their advice is sincere in a way that other media (I’m looking at you
again, Downton Abbey) doesn’t manage to accomplish.
Additionally,
the fact that the show chooses to focus on the romantic element and not the
physical element is not a bug, it’s a feature, and the show does so with such
aplomb. The physicality that is there consists of a few (admittedly fantastic)
kisses on rare occasion, but mostly relies on the tenderness of gentle touches,
yearning looks, and quiet gestures whose true depths run deep. It’s refreshing
to see that this was all done on purpose, and to know that for many people, the
appeal of Seeking Persephone – both the book/the book series it’s a part
of, and the miniseries – is this element specifically.
In previous
posts, I’ve alluded to and even outright discussed some of the struggles with
defining media that doesn’t engage in explicit content. Oftentimes, this media
is referred to as “clean,” something which makes sense when you consider how
sexually explicit content is often referred to as “smutty” or “dirty,” but I
think calling this media “clean” can be incredibly loaded. In other instances,
it’s common to see media with explicit content referred to as “spicy” or that media
with explicit content has “spice,” making their non-explicit counterparts “no
spice.” I can generally get behind this description, since these monikers are
cute – and because “mild” and “spicy” are well-established, non-loaded terms
for a lot of things, not just media. However, in many cases, I think some of
this “clean”/“no-spice” media could be seen as aspec-friendly just as easily,
and I would love to see these pieces of media receive more attention for that
fact, a point which I think Seeking Persephone proves amply for me.
Meanwhile, since
discovering the miniseries, I have also started diving into the book series.
Naturally, being a romance series, the books are heavily reliant on the idea of
everyone finding romance and having a romantic “happy ending,” married and with
their children. These elements will undoubtedly be wearying for some aspec
folk, and for some people, that version of “happily ever after” may take the
books out of the realm of aspec-friendly, which is valid. Even I can sometimes
have complicated feelings about every person in a piece of media ending up in
these traditional relationships, despite enjoying the books and the pairings.
However, I am willing to overlook that in this case thanks in large part to how
comforting it is to know I can enjoy these books without fear of anything
sexually explicit catching me off-guard as is too often the case in other
pieces of media. As a sex-repulsed aspec reader, these things have a value that
cannot be described.
Additionally,
circling back to the miniseries specifically, I have come to realize that the
story is very much a piece of comfort media for me now, something which is only
possible thanks to its accidentally aspec-friendly nature. This is something
Laura understood and agreed with, pointing out how much it helps to know that
there will be a happy ending, and that the story will be devoid of many of the
usual uncomfortable tropes such as love triangles. There is drama, of course,
but the feeling of knowing happiness will come eventually and feel natural is wonderful.
It’s only
been a few short months in which I’ve been obsessed with Seeking Persephone,
but in that time, I have to say the show has become a favorite and that Adam
and Persephone have risen through the ranks of OTP (“one true pairing”), so
much so that they even rival Mary and Matthew – and if you read that previous
romance post, you know that’s not something I say lightly. I’m not surprised that
I’ve become obsessed despite only having been acquainted with the series for a
short amount of time, since getting obsessed quickly and utterly is in my
nature as a fangirl, but to be able to find such value in this hidden gem is a
surprise, and a delightful one. This is thanks to the amazing storytelling, the
incredible characters, how delightful the entire cast and crew is, and so much
more, but I’d be lying if I said the accidentally aspec element of the series
wasn’t a huge contributing factor. Knowing I can always come back to
comfortably watch this series is something that will stick with me for a very
long time, and something for which I am immensely grateful.
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| Image description: Yet another picture of Persephone and Adam, because I love them, Your Honor. |
Despite the
fact that I’ve only been acquainted with both pieces of media for a few months,
it’s amazing how huge of a role they’ve both played in my creativity and
excitement recently in a way I really needed. Having safe pieces of media is
something I’ve discussed for a long time – as the aforementioned “Ace Safe
Space” posts prove – and the value of having new pieces of safe media cannot be
understated. Having these things to fall back on and find comfort in means the
world to me; whether or not you need them to play that role for you or are
simply looking for fun new pieces of media, I highly recommend them, and hope
that maybe this post inspired you to check them out.
I firmly
believe we need more pieces of media like this – more options for people like
me who need these things, and for people of various persuasions who want them.
In the case of a show like Seeking Persephone, seeing how well the show
has been received thus far is extremely encouraging as an aspec viewer, and it
makes me feel a glimmer of hope that other projects like this one might enjoy
similar success (or, you know, a second season of this one that adapts some of
the other books in the series, mayhaps?).
I want to
see pieces of media like this be accepted as much as “spicy” pieces of media
are, since I believe such a thing will not only pave the way towards greater
aspec acceptance, but will make the media landscape better in general. But I
also want to see more media like this to prove that I am not alone and that
people like me don’t need to give up watching our favorite genres or opting out
of our favorite mediums because we can’t find things that represent us. It
reminds me that there are places for us out there, we just have to find them –
and, above all, we have to be allowed to dwell comfortably in them, whether
they’re intentionally aspec, accidentally aspec, or something in between.
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