Aspec Relationships I'd Love to See More of in Media, part 3

Image description: Lee Rang from one of my favorite Korean dramas, Tale of the Nine-Tailed and its sequel. I headcanon Rang as aspec, which makes it very unpleasant to see how the second season tried to give him a romance arc. But there are some interesting things about this romance plot that make me wonder how much better this type of relationship could be if it were made more platonic and/or aspec firendly. So today, I return to that very topic, exploring this relationship and others I wish we could see more of in media. 

Something I encounter a lot as an aspec geek is the desire most media has to make absolutely everything into a romance. Sometimes this means media that does its best to create relationships – or, at the very least, sexual and/or romantic tension – where none need exist. Sometimes this means stories that seem incapable of letting their characters just be friends. Other times, even when a story resists the idea of making two characters overtly romantic, this is nevertheless what people root for because society has given us very few tools to explain these dynamics in any other way.

As you all know, this is something that bothers me, and as both a creative person and a lover of great storytelling, I long to see relationships that are not so easily defined. There are so many opportunities out there to create aspec and/or aspec-friendly bonds that do not fall into the usual traps and tropes of romance, but instead find new ways to tell new stories. Because this is something I think about frequently, I’ve decided to once again compile a list of aspec relationships I’d love to see more of, just as I did earlier this year and as I first did in 2024.

As always, this is a thought experiment of sorts for me, in which I examine a whole host of bonds that I’d love to see made aspec and portrayed in popular media – whether that means ideas and concepts I think we should portray more frequently, aspec versions of romances I’ve already seen, or any other ideas that come to mind. Also true to form, this will be a quirky list, very specific to me and to my tastes, meaning your mileage may vary as to whether you’d like to see these types of relationships too. Whatever the case, it is, as always, my firm belief that we need more platonic bonds in media and I think a few of these examples would make for very good ones.

Spoiler warning! 

Tale of the Nine-Tailed & Tale of the Nine-Tailed: 1938

Les Miserables

Alchemy of Souls

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Matelotage

Several months ago, my good friend Laura and I were having a discussion about pirates (you know, as one does) and ended up on the subject of matelotage, something which I never heard of until Laura mentioned it and supplied me with the Wikipedia link that sparked my imagination. According to the article, this was an agreement primarily made between sailors, especially pirates, in which two people entered into a partnership of sorts, wherein they agreed to basically act in one another’s interest. They agreed to protect one another in battle, share income, and even could inherit each other’s property if one of them were to die.

Trying to search information about matelotage is admittedly kind of confusing, as it seems sources can’t agree if it can be viewed as an early form of same-sex marriage or not (and some of the sources that come up when you Google it are somewhat unexpected). But for my purposes in this post, I think the “dictionary definition” works just as well, since the Wikipedia article actually even states that it was likely considered a platonic agreement.

As my other versions of this post topic make clear, I am extremely attached to the idea of platonic life partners, and so the notion of platonic matelotage bonds is something I’d absolutely love to see portrayed in media. Something else you might know about me is that my favorite movie of all time is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, so the idea of platonic pirates is too good to pass up. I’m not sure if pirate-related media is as popular now as it once was, especially when the POTC franchise was still in its heyday, but since many media themes tend to be cyclical, I could see pirates becoming a trend again someday and I’d love to see matelotage bonds – both platonic and otherwise – be portrayed within these narratives.

I think this concept could be somewhat mixed with fantasy elements, much like in the POTC franchise, or it could be used in narratives that are more historically accurate. If matelotage was in fact portrayed in a more historical piece of media, it could potentially lead to what would be like a holy grail of representation for me: historically accurate platonic relationships. But I think we could actually take this concept even farther. While matelotage primarily seemed to be used to refer to seafarers, I’d love to see this type of relationship be used in so many more things, and I actually think it would be an amazing thing to be layered into worldbuilding for various types of universes.

Additionally, I think it would work well in science fiction media, since there are several pieces of sci-fi media that borrow from naval concepts when creating spaceship crews – think stories such as Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and so many more. I can effortlessly picture spacefaring crews where one or more of the crew members pledge their lives to each other as partners in battle who will safeguard the property and legacy of their fallen friend. I can picture societies – either in sci-fi or fantasy media – where having a platonic life partner is treated as equally as important as having a romantic partner, if not more so.

Whether using the term matelotage or simply using it as a template, I think there is so much potential for platonic bonds to be forged in its image. While I would be satisfied with simply keeping these relationships as platonic rather than actually making them aspec, I think it would be even more wonderful to have them actually include aspec characters. I’ve read a few young adult novels that have pirate-type characters in them and which also feature various LGBTQIA identities, so maybe it’s possible that one day one of these novels will also have an aspec and/or platonic matelotage dynamic too.

Love That Turns to Friendship

It’s true that many of the best romantic relationships – both in fiction and in real life – start off as deep and meaningful friendship and then become romantic love. But what about the opposite? What if we saw more bonds portrayed where what was once love becomes friendship? We can sometimes see this happen in pieces of media where characters break up but still remain friends or perhaps between partners who get divorced but remain in contact in order to do things like coparent, but I’m talking about something different.

What I envision can perhaps best be described as what I wished had happened to a character in one of my favorite Korean dramas, rather than the plot we actually got – that would be the character of Lee Rang from Tale of the Nine-Tailed and its second season, Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938. As I said, I love both this character and this show, but if you read my post from a few months ago, you doubtless know that I headcanon Rang as aspec, so any romance involving him was likely to fall flat with me. However, I believe the romance we actually got was even worse than I feared it might be.

Tale of the Nine-Tailed follows the story of several nine-tailed foxes – mythical creatures with magical powers who can take human form. One of these is Lee Rang, a half-fox who begins the story as a villain before going through a terrific character arc, and who appears again in the show’s second season, albeit in the past (as the title implies). In this season, he meets another half-creature character in the form of Yeo-hee, a half-human, half-mermaid girl, who almost immediately takes a shine to him when he defends her.

Image description: Rang and Yeo-hee during the events of Tale of the Nine-Tailed: 1938.

One of the things that frustrates me the most about this relationship is that, on paper, it’s actually extremely cute. After all, both of their stories are about not feeling like they have a place in the world due to their status as “half-breeds,” and admittedly the scenes that explore this are adorable, thanks in no small part to the chemistry of the actors. However, the way the romance plays out is likewise frustrating, because it seems like what Rang wants doesn’t matter.

In my “Headcanons” post, I speculate a bit on why Rang was given a romance in the first place, largely boiling it down to the notion that, in this particular season, he was the only main character for whom a romance would actually work. Whether the writer or the studio wanted there to be a romance in this season, I admit I’m not sure, but at times it feels entirely like the romance is being shoved into the plot against someone’s will, whether that’s the writer’s will or Rang’s will as a character, it’s difficult to say. Whatever the reason the romance is included and feels as it does, I think it significantly impacts the enjoyment of Rang’s storyline and the show as a whole to see how this romance is portrayed.

But this is exactly why I think Rang and Yeo-hee illustrate the point of this post rather well, because Yeo-hee falls for Rang immediately and then spends a great deal of time and energy trying to get him to do likewise. After their first meeting, she becomes convinced it’s “love at first sight,” despite it being very clear that Rang doesn’t feel the same, and even after he eventually (albeit reluctantly) admits that he’s catching feelings for her, she instantly asserts that she’s going to marry him.

While it does make sense that Yeo-hee – someone who is different than other people and feels isolated because of it – would form such an extreme attachment to Rang so quickly, these types of plots are nevertheless something I’ve always hated in romance storylines. Additionally, they’re something I’ve seen all too much in romances that involve characters with aspec tendencies, often leading to these characters being pushed into romances they don’t seem to want and having their characters destroyed in the process.

While Tale of the Nine-Tailed does a much less harsh version of this and they don’t really ruin Rang’s character in the process, I still have enormous issues with this romance and its qualities, not the least of which because so much of it is just unnecessary and reductive. In my opinion, so many of their interactions are either purely platonic or else really work when they’re seen through that lens, to the point where it makes the romance seem even more out of place or actually kind of comical. 

One of the best examples of this is a scene in which Yeo-hee asks Rang to teach her how to ride a horse. The show makes this moment rather humorous, showing her imaginings for how this is going to go – the two of them on the saddle, Rang’s arms around her – and believes that this is going to make him begin falling for her. However, her dreams are dashed as the scene hard cuts to what’s actually happening: she’s in the saddle while Rang walks alongside the horse, giving her pointers.

While the scene would work simply as a comical look at how their not on the same page as one another, it actually has an adorable addition: Rang teaches her not only how to ride, but how to protect herself, and although it’s not what she imagined, she actually ends up significantly enjoying herself. Despite the non-romantic nature of the scene, it still brings her joy and makes her feel proud of her accomplishments as she shares this moment with him, something which is true of a lot of their scenes.

For instance, there is another scene in which Yeo-hee – in a fit of misplaced jealousy – uses one of her mermaid powers, which is a loud and disorienting shriek. While she is mortified, revealing that she’s always hated her voice because of this power, Rang is impressed and is excited by the idea that Yeo-hee has a unique power she can use to protect herself. It’s a sweet moment because Rang, someone who has always been maltreated for being half-fox, is able to see this element of Yeo-hee that she’s always hated and instead make her feel good about it. These scenes are not isolated, and even scenes that are supposed to be romantic – such as when he takes her to the beach, thinking she, as a half-mermaid, might miss the ocean – are only romantic because the show tells us to think of them as such.

But I think it could have been even more meaningful if the storyline had not been about Yeo-hee getting Rang to fall for her, but rather if Yeo-hee, through spending time with Rang, learned to see him as a dear friend instead, realizing they didn’t need romance to be happy. Her initial attachment to Rang doesn’t really seem like true love, but rather an understandable reaction to the circumstances, and I not only believe it would have made sense to show her coming to rely on him in a platonic way rather than a romantic one, but I believe it could have been very rewarding for the arcs of both characters.

While that specific storyline might be a bit far-fetched, I believe that framing their interactions as platonic rather than romantic is not far-fetched at all, considering similar scenes and plotlines are portrayed non-romantically for Rang in season one thanks to the character of Yu-ri. We see very early in season one that Yu-ri, another nine-tailed fox, is sort of like Rang’s right hand woman, and we eventually learn that he rescued her from an abuser and taught her to defend herself. Given Rang’s own tragic and troubled history thanks to the abuse he suffered throughout his life as a half-fox, it’s even more poignant that he helps Yu-ri as he does and even more special that the two become close friends, forming something of a platonic family as the show goes on.

Image description: Rang and Yu-ri in the first season of Tale of the Nine-Tailed.

While of course there are inevitably people who "ship" Rang and Yu-ri, I love that the show never presents them as a romantic pairing in the series itself. There is no plot where one of them harbors a crush or unrequited love on the other, there is no implication that their bond was ever romantic previously and now it’s purely platonic, there’s no overt subtext to imply they’re secretly in love. Instead, because Yu-ri is given a love interest fairly early in the narrative, it’s possible to view the dynamic between her and Rang as a warm friendship or a terrific mentor/mentee relationship, one that means a great deal to both of them and which I’d definitely love to see more of in media.

Rang and Yu-ri prove that platonic relationships are deep and meaningful, which I believe makes it all the more frustrating that Rang and Yeo-hee had to be in a romance. If I can say anything positive about their romance or say that I’d like to see any part of it reproduced in other media, I can at least say that Rang having a romance in season two shows us that a character with a romance arc can also have platonic relationships that are just as important. In general, Tale of the Nine-Taled does a great job of showing that love bonds are special, but that other relationships are just as important as romantic love, which is something I can appreciate despite the other issues I’ve mentioned and something I think more media could incorporate into their stories.

The Beauty of Loving the Unattainable

I think one of the biggest problems with romance-obsessed media is its tendency to trick itself and its audience into thinking that “love” automatically means romance. Of course, the word “love” is multifaceted, and so when characters experience love, it can come in various forms, some of which media are also good about portraying – for instance, as I’ve discussed in my posts about my favorite friendships, there are some truly iconic friendships and other relationships across various forms of media spanning across decades.

But even when these other forms of love are well-portrayed, there still seems to be an emphasis on romance as the primary vehicle of love-based storytelling, sometimes when it doesn’t even seem relevant. There are so many instances where romance is treated as non-negotiable, and that stories without romance lack relevance, relatability, or are even of a poorer quality, all of which is completely false, and leads to stories that oversimplify love and devalue romance by making it a requirement rather than a choice. These stories fail to understand the complexities of love as an emotion and eschew more complex, deep, or emotional storytelling.

I believe media still has a tendency to oversimplify love to the point where, if a character feels certain types of emotions for another character, it is automatically qualified as romance and must have a romantic story arc. Whether that is a one-sided romance or a requited one differs depending on the media, but this is almost always portrayed through certain types of tropes and cliches. It’s seen as something of a given that characters who experience this type of love surely must want to be in a romantic relationship with the object of their affection, but I disagree. Even in instances where a character experiences what could be seen as romantic love, it doesn’t necessarily have to be paired with an actual romance. That may seem like a strange statement, so allow me to explain.

In my first iteration of this post subject, I briefly discussed my desire to see portrayals of unrequited love that aren’t full of tragedy, but where the love one character feels for another is enough to sustain them regardless. I would love to see stories where the love one character feels for another is not something they need to act on, but rather their life is improved simply by having that other person in their orbit. Their romantic feelings can be deep admiration or a feeling of comfort when being around the other person; that person can give them something they cannot find in any other sense of the word, something that cannot be defined solely by friendship but is not quite romantic.

This speaks to my desire to see portrayals of queerplatonic relationships, but I think even without these labels, these stories could be portrayed simply through someone who loves another person with absolutely no expectation or even need for these feelings to be returned, something that would make for many interesting character arcs if only it was allowed to happen. For instance, I think these ideas could apply to Yeo-hee in my previous example too and could tell a better story than the one we got. However, one of the best examples I can think of for this dynamic comes from another one of my favorite K-Dramas, the fantasy romance series Alchemy of Souls, in the form of So-i and Yul.

Image description: So-i and Yul's first meeting in the Korean fantasy drama, Alchemy of Souls

Alchemy of Souls takes place in the fictional land of Daeho, a country full of magic, both light and dark. Amongst these dark spells is the titular Alchemy of Souls – a rare and exceedingly dangerous (as well as highly forbidden) spell that allows people to swap souls with another, often unwilling, participant. Amidst this background, young mages from powerful magical families find themselves thrust into the middle of power struggles that have been going on for decades while they navigate their own struggles and trials, many of which are thanks to this powerful bit of sorcery.

Seo Yul is one of the main characters who finds himself caught up in these struggles when a figure from his past comes back around in an unexpected way. So-i, meanwhile, is the exact opposite of Yul – whereas he is a kind-hearted young man who comes from a magical family of high breeding, So-i is a con artist and a swindler, who finds herself unexpectedly caught up in a plot to impersonate the missing daughter of another powerful family. But before she is brought in by the villain to serve this purpose, she has a chance encounter with Yul in which he saves her from a group of thugs, and thus begins one of the most interesting relationships I’ve ever seen in a K-Drama or any other piece of media.

Following Yul’s rescue of So-i, she comes to deeply admire him in a way that, although clearly a romantic crush at least in part, goes far beyond this emotion. Later, in the show’s second season, she describes exactly why she feels so attached to him, describing her world as dark, dirty, and distressing, but that meeting Yul gave her hope and made her feel, at least temporarily, that the world could be something bright and beautiful. To me, this fact not only makes her behavior towards Yul more believable than if it were just a one-sided crush, but also makes it both more poignant and more relatable.

Do I think So-i absolutely would have been happy to be in a romance with Yul? Absolutely, as it seems to be something she hopes for when she is thrust into the plot to impersonate the missing daughter of the powerful Jin family, shedding her role as a swindler to adopt one of nobility. But even after this plot goes horribly awry and her deception is unmasked, she doesn’t stop caring for Yul, despite the fact that a relationship with him is now clearly impossible and she’s back to her old ways as a con artist. It’s clear that the esteem, gratitude, and affection she feels for Yul is not at all tied to whether or not she can be with him in a romantic sense, or even be with him at all; rather, the thing she primarily wants for him is that he can be safe, and she repeatedly does her best to try and ensure that will happen, often at her own detriment.

I think it might have been very easy for So-i’s feelings for Yul to be portrayed as something stalker-ish, but instead of using her feelings as a way to paint her as a bad person or to paint her one-sided esteem as dangerous, the show demonstrates that her feelings are altogether more pure. Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, I think other pieces of media would have painted this unrequited affection as tragic, which it does not do either. Although So-i’s story doesn’t have a happy ending, even this fact is portrayed very differently from what you tend to see in other instances of unrequited emotion.

For instance, I can’t help but think of the doomed character Eponine from Les Miserables, who silently pines for her friend Marius, and whose untimely death is made all the more tragic when she dies in his arms after having to sadly accept that he’ll never love her in return. While she is at least allowed to die in the arms of the man she loves and perhaps she gets some comfort from that, there’s nevertheless a sorrow that comes along with it thanks to the fact that he doesn’t feel the same way about her. But So-i, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to pine for Yul like that and if she’s disappointed by a lack of affection for her in return, it’s not highlighted. If anything, she seems to just be glad to see him when it really counts and this is what gives her peace.

In the end, this bond is a unique one, portrayed not as a romance or a tragic example of loss love, but an example of what can happen when someone gives us something to believe in. I find the attitude that only romance can save a person and that only romantic love can be a light in someone’s darkness to be incredibly unsettling – both in media and in society – and so I think we could use more characters like So-i and Yul. Whether this bond is portrayed as one-sided but ultimately still meaningful or portrayed as utterly devoid of romance at all, I think it would be beautiful to portray more stories where characters needs something to uplift them and find that goodness simply through the kindness and consideration of someone else, no romance required.

Image description: So-i and Yul in the second season of Alchemy of Souls

Despite what most popular media would have us believe, we don’t have to rely only on romantic and/or sexual tropes when writing characters or plotlines. In fact, I’ll take that a step further and reassert a common belief I’ve discussed on the blog: the notion that relying too heavily on romantic plots is actually to a story’s detriment, not its improvement. While I’m certainly not saying that my ideas about aspec relationships in media are automatically the correct one nor do I think these are the only ways to tell a good story, I believe the uniqueness of aspec relationship archetypes such as the ones I celebrate on the blog have the potential to tell valuable stories and express important messages.

I even believe these aspec relationships can and should exist alongside of romantic ones, since these things do not have to cancel one another out; in fact, by showing some characters in romantic relationships and some characters in these otherwise aspec relationships, I believe we have a truer reflection of life and help to better cement the idea that not everyone has romance and that in no way, shape, or form invalidates the experiences of people who do. I think that showing these types of relationships alongside more romantic ones, we could potentially tell better stories and help reflect the idea in both media and in real life that diverse experiences deserve diverse stories. That includes aspec people too, and I believe stories like these could begin taking steps to showing the beautiful complexity of aspec life – and the experiences of all kinds of people too.