The Asexual Geek's 2024 Recap

 

Image description: Another image I made on Canva, featuring the asexual and aromantic pride flags, for the occasion of my 2024 wrap up post.

For the last few months, I’ve been repeating a joke I saw online. I’m paraphrasing here, but the joke goes something along the lines of “This year has gone by in about the span of a few days; everyone get ready, Christmas is in five minutes.” However, given Christmas is in less than three weeks, I’m starting to think that “joke” is more of a premonition than anything else. With 2024 rapidly wrapping up, it’s time for me to once again reflect on another year of blogging, taking a look at my topics and offering my final thoughts on the things I’ve discussed so far before I take a break for the holidays. Of course, as always, I am so grateful for the readers of this blog and the people who give me the encouragement to keep sharing my thoughts about being an aspec fangirl. Here are my final thoughts for the 2024 blogging year!

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Unintended Topics

It’s nothing new that I spent a lot of this year moving topics around, coming up with new ones, and extending ones that might have otherwise been only minor discussions. That very thing is so common for me, that I put a playful little disclaimer in every one of my yearly preview posts, stating that my plans are likely going to change throughout the year. Overall, I didn’t do too badly with sticking to what I teased in my 2024 preview, but there were some notable instances in which I needed to change course.

For instance, in my preview post, I mentioned the possibility of reviewing an “entire series” of books with an aspec character. That was in reference to the Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire, starting with the first book Every Heart a Doorway, which I knew had an aspec lead named Nancy. However, as I started reading and researching the series, I quickly realized that [spoilers], Nancy was only the main character of the first novel and only had a brief cameo in the second story, meaning that my quest to read the entire series was suddenly far less relevant. This actually proved to be lucky, as the graphic violence of the first book turned me off of reading much further than the second story just to see Nancy’s cameo, and thus what I was expecting to be a potentially mammoth series of posts became significantly truncated.

In some cases, the exact opposite happened; instead of a topic giving me too little to discuss, there were plenty of moments this year where things had to be shuffled around because a given topic turned out to yield far more material than I was even imagining. A great example of this is the single post I planned to do, dedicated to rewatching the BBC series Sherlock for the first time in my adulthood. While I really enjoyed rewatching the show, the series – especially the latter two seasons – gave me a lot more to discuss than I expected, necessitating I split the post into two parts.

Naturally, I’m no stranger to topics having multiple posts or yielding spin-off posts, but more often than not, those spin-offs happen well after the original. For instance, this year had several continuations from previous years, such as a third iteration of my favorite friendships in media, a second part to a post I called “The Dangers of Sexualizing Non-Sexual Characters,” and yet another post talking about miscellaneous tropes I hate. But this time around, it felt right to keep the Sherlock posts together, since not only were they a complete continuation of one another, I actually wrote the post as one post and then split it into two parts, padding out the second part with even more observations and thoughts. I’m very glad I chose to do it this way – and the really crazy part is that I actually have a lot of notes and observations about my Sherlock rewatch that I still didn’t have enough room to fit in!

Come to think of it, the entire month of posts around the Sherlock post was filled with unexpected reworks. Right after that two-parter, I did an unplanned, somewhat off-the-cuff post about my feelings on why Dragon Age: The Veilguard was running the risk of failing its aspec fans. This topic presented itself to me because of the game’s marketing material that was coming out at that time, especially the Q&A with the game’s developers, which confirmed that there would be no aspec companions in the game. While I wasn’t exactly anticipating that there would be, the way the developers spoke about the topic bothered me enough that it took hold of my brain and would not let go. And thus, this unexpected post was born.

While I wasn’t exactly happy to be talking about this topic, I’m glad that I got a chance to speak so candidly about my early feelings on the game. Now that the game is out, I’ve heard a number of disappointing things from friends and reviewers that actually make me glad that we didn’t get any canonical aspec representation. However, that doesn’t mean I’m done talking about Dragon Age’s history of failure when it comes to aspec and aspec-adjacent identities, which is definitely going to be a topic in the upcoming year. But I’m getting ahead of myself, I’ll save that for my look ahead at my planned posts for 2025.

Even my most recent post – my favorite mentor/mentee relationships – was a bit of a shuffle, albeit not for any particularly groundbreaking reason. Originally I had intended to do that particular post in 2025, but I soon realized I’d much rather discuss it this year… just because I wanted to, something which happens with a lot more frequency than I care to admit. However, there was definitely one planned post that I had no intention of swapping or switching dates for, and that was my Howl’s Moving Castle post.

Howl’s Moving Castle is one of my absolute favorite movies, and as such, I make a point of going to see it in theaters nearly every year when it returns for Studio Ghibli Fest. This year, it was being shown in October, so that’s when I planned the post dedicated entirely to it and its relatability. It’s a recent enough post, and so perhaps that’s why I’ve still been thinking a lot about the topic and wanting to deep dive a little more into the concept of “relatability” before the year is through.

Let’s Talk About Relatability

Image description: An image for the 20th anniversary of Howl's Moving Castle. Although I don't talk much about my post about the movie in this post, I love this image far too much to not use it.

The idea of things being relatable is something I think about a lot and it’s been especially relevant lately. Part of that is, of course, because of that Howl’s Moving Castle post, in which I discuss why Sophie’s plight and her subsequent handling of it is especially relatable to me as an aspec person who also struggles with my perception of self. Relatability is something I also discuss a lot when it comes to aspec characters – whether analyzing canon aspec characters in novels or discussing ideas for how to craft aspec representation in stories. In these cases, relatability is a good thing and something I believe can vastly help representation. I’ve even discussed in previous posts why aspec issues have relevance to people of all genders and identities.

I believe that making aspec characters and issues relatable is very helpful to show that aspec people are just people – given the surprising amount of discrimination and dehumanization aspec identities can face, this is especially important. But at the same time, there is no denying that life for many aspec people – myself included – is very different from the lives of allosexual people. That, of course, isn’t a bad thing or a commentary on anyone’s lifestyle, nor is it necessarily true for all people. For instance, an aspec person who has made the choice to get married and have children may not have the same type of experience as a sex-repulsed aromantic asexual, despite both of these individuals being on the asexual spectrum. In the same manner, aspecs with other queer identities in addition to their aspec one may have a vastly different experience than someone like me. So how can “relatable” experiences be crafted for all of these groups? How can allosexual people be encouraged to relate to all of these identities at once?

I don’t think these are easy questions, and I definitely don’t have the answer. I think the best way to portray a diversity of aspec experiences is to portray as many as possible as honestly as possible, to really truly show that asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums. But does that mean these things will always be relatable, either to other aspec people or to allosexual ones? It might not always be possible, and I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. For instance, if I write a story about an aromantic asexual character, that may not be relatable to everyone, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. In fact, I sometimes believe the quest to make everything relatable is somewhat hurting our media and our ability to be swept away by a good story.

In a world where we can instantly see a variety of videos, commentary, stories, and news, I think people tend to find what they can relate to in order to anchor themselves. It offers a reassurance as to the validity of our own experiences or gives us some level of familiarity in a vast and often confusing landscape. But I also think that searching for things that are wholly relatable encourages people to shut out things that might otherwise serve as good learning opportunities. Instead of following my above example and embracing the things that are otherwise relatable about an identity that we may not share, I believe some people find it easier to dispose of these things they cannot relate to.

Recently, I saw a particularly vexing example of this. You may remember my 2023 review of the novel “Firebreak” by Nicole Kornher-Stace. In my review, I spoke at length of how I personally relate to the protagonist of the novel having a deep and meaningful platonic friend-crush of sorts on another character, to whom she in turn deeply relates. While looking for something related to the novel, I was annoyed to see that some people online who find the protagonist unrelatable dislike the story because of this relationship. While I do acknowledge that the reality of a platonic crush is not something everyone will experience – even if they are aspec – I can’t help but be smacked by the almost ridiculous irony that an allosexual person is put off by a relationship they cannot relate to.

We as aspec people are expected to accept relationships we can’t identity with or relate to in every facet of media day in and day out, and often we are expected to accept these relationships, characters, and stories without complaint. But when presented with an aspec character or an aspec-adjacent type of relationship, it’s seen as too bizarre and unfamiliar to be accepted? Naturally, given the sheer amount of examples I have on this blog where fandoms seem to become offended or upset by the idea of aspec characters or interpretations of themes, this is all too common in our current media landscape, and while I think the reason for that has a lot of layers, I can’t help but wonder if relatability plays a factor. The vast majority of fandom can’t relate to these things – and in fact relate with exactly the opposite – and that desire for “relatability” only in turn causes these reactions.

As I said above, I believe the idea of relatability in media is far more complex than I am making it seem in this short section of a single post. Additionally, it may not be the sole cause of these problems I am discussing; these issues too are both more complex and more simple in some cases than I am making it seem. Fandom reception of aspec attitudes has a lot of nuance that would require a lot more deep diving to truly discuss than what I am prepared to give it here, thus rendering it a more complex issue than I’m portraying. In terms of the simpler explanations, well, I think in some instances, we can look to ignorance of aspec identities at best and outright bigotry at worst to give us our answer. But I think it’s a mistake to think all of these things can be chalked up to bigotry. Rather, I think there are things that can be done to combat and even change these attitudes. Maybe it’s because it’s Christmastime and I am feeling that sense of warm and fuzzy holiday cheer and warmth, but I choose to believe that there are solutions to these issues that only begin by discussing them.

Unexpected Positivity

As is true of every year of blogging, many of the topics I mentioned in the first section of this post depict both highlights and lowlights from my voyages through media and popular culture as an aspec fangirl. While a lot of times I’m discussing frustrating things or even slightly heavy topics, I also do my best to inject some positivity into these posts and my blog as a whole, especially as we get to the end of the year. Last year, I had a section in my end-of-year post dedicated entirely to finding unexpected moments of aspec positivity that gave me hope. This year, I repeated this pattern, finding positivity in unexpected places when I wasn’t even looking for it.

This often comes in the form of articles I encounter online, and I’d like to highlight two today that, while not actually aspec, nevertheless left me pleasantly surprised by their aspec-friendly takes. The first article is about the CBS sitcom, Ghosts, which you may remember me talking about before, especially earlier this year. While Ghosts can often be a bit bawdy, something that has always drawn me to the show is the fact that most of the ghosts are like family to one another and that their shenanigans almost always end in wholesome ways. But the third season was something of a disappointment because a lot of that warm spirit (no pun intended) seemed to be absent. I’m not used to seeing these types of feelings validated, so imagine my pleasant surprise when I encountered an article on the website Collider entitled “Ghosts Season 3 is Veering Too Far Away from Its Wholesome Origins.”

The article goes on to say that the heartwarming nature of the show was a draw for many other people too, claiming that it was unique in its lack of “mean-spiritedness,” and that the show is suffering thanks to the third season shaking off that warmth in exchange for “carnality.” In a world where media almost delights in emphasizing sexual relationships at the expense of all others – and where this is often consider peak comedy by certain TV shows and movies – seeing a review state that an oversexualization of a show’s characters is actually harming what makes it special is really quite incredible.

More than that, the article also points out how other fans dislike some of these decisions too, which makes me feel like I’m not completely off base when I critique these things. The fourth season of the show has started recently and, although it may still be too early to tell, I’d like to think we’re back on track in a way that maybe wouldn’t have been possible without discussing these issues as openly as the article and the fandom itself has done, and that’s actually very encouraging, especially considering how often audience reaction can steer a show more down that path rather than veer it back on track.

This article is unique because it discusses a piece of media that is still currently being made. But I think there is value in articles that have similar conversations about pieces of media that have long since ended, because in this day and age, no piece of media ever seems to be truly over. As such, conversations about a series’ strengths and weaknesses, even many years later, is vitally important, and I was very pleased to see an article discussing why a lack of romance throughout the Harry Potter series is actually a strength. The article discusses the fact that, while romances do eventually blossom throughout the series, it’s not clear from the start that there’s going to be any kind of central important romance, and that this causes some to say that the romances are a place where the story falls down. The article argues, however, that these undeveloped romances are actually a good thing, as it allows the series to focus on friendship, good versus evil, and the worldbuilding.

Again, much like with the last article, it’s wonderful to see an entire article dedicated to lauding the fact that a series has elements beyond romance, since so often romance is treated like some sort of pinnacle in both stories and in real life. I believe we need more analysis like this to highlight that great storytelling doesn’t have to be inherently sexual, overwhelmingly romantic, or full of tropes. In a world that overemphasizes these things, it’s very powerful to see discussions about how a lack of these things can actually be a storytelling strength or can contribute to what makes a piece of media good, long-lasting, or impactful.

This type of positivity may not seem like much, but I believe every positive step forward is a big deal. Does it make everything automatically better or easier? No, of course not. But it does give me a tentative sort of hope that discussing these issues has an impact, however small, that can lead to bigger and better things in the future, and I think that’s very valuable. That’s the reason why I keep blogging – and why I have enough hope to have already planned out nearly an entire year’s worth of posts for 2025, a sneak preview of which will be my first post of the new year. Now, whether or not I stick to them, that’s another story entirely.

Once again, just to reiterate my gratitude, I am nothing but grateful for all the support I’ve received on the blog, both this year and in general. 2025 is going to mark the fifth anniversary of this blog and I couldn’t be more thrilled and humbled to be looking at such an incredible milestone. If you’re reading this post, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my ongoing journey to discuss the good, the bad, and the ugly of aspec representation in media. I hope to see you in 2025 as well.

Until then, I am sincerely wishing each and every one of you health, healing, hope, and happiness, now and into the future.

With platonic love,

The Asexual Geek