Still More Tropes I Hate
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| Image description: In another irresistible Star Trek image, here we have Odo from Deep Space Nine angrily smashing things, a perfect depiction of a very specific trope I'll be discussing today as well as my own feelings towards negative tropes. Yes, today is going to be another list detailing *even more* tropes I hate and why. Image obtained from TrekCore. |
Over the four and a half years of running this blog, if
there’s anything I can be said to do with any kind of reliability, it’s talking
about aphobic tropes. And once again, I’m here to do exactly that, focusing for
a third time on smaller, broader, or more general tropes that I immensely
dislike. Some of these tropes may be specifically aimed at aspec people while
some are not, but they all share the common theme that they can often hurt
aspec people or be a menace to good representation, as well as hurt allosexual
people in the process.
As always, tropes are not automatically a good thing or a
bad thing; even within these examples of tropes I hate, I have examples of ways
these tropes can be used that aren’t actually bad or that I even enjoy. But I
feel these tropes deserve to be discussed because they can have real world
impact. That is what I hate most about these tropes – what they represent in
our culture, our storytelling, and our media landscape, and the way they
influence people’s attitudes towards aspec identities, or even just non-romantic
and/or non-sexual tendencies.
For that reason, although I hate these tropes, I actually
somewhat enjoy talking about them, because by discussing them I feel I can
begin to unpack just why they bother me. As I’ve said before, these tropes are
not just things that are personally hurtful, nor should they be analyzed
through that sole lens; these are storytelling conventions that I believe have
the potential to be demeaning and unhelpful to many different types of people.
So today, I’m going to discuss three more tropes I hate, why I hate them so
much, and even offer a few examples of ways they can be played better in
future.
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Non-sexual/Non-romantic
= Repressed
The most obviously problematic of the tropes I’m going to be
discussing today is the idea that people who either don’t engage in or don’t
prioritize romance and/or sex are somehow “repressed.” The idea behind this
trope is that living a non-sexual and/or non-romantic life is not a valid state
of being, and that people who do engage in this type of lifestyle must be doing
so because there’s something wrong with them or their surroundings. It suggests
that they’re restraining themselves from sex and/or romance – that these things
are correct and “normal,” and that these people are either being subdued from
that free expression or else are subduing themselves.
This is what holds up tropes like “Asexuality and Aromanticism = Prudish” or “Asexuality and Aromanticism = Cold,” but it doesn’t
just affect aspec people. If you’re a regular reader of the blog, you’ll know I
often discuss amatonormativity, the societal pressure to make romance a
priority in one’s life, even if you don’t wish to make it so, and society often
does likewise with sex. The ironic thing about this is that forcing someone
into romantic and/or sexual situations against their will is not only morally
reprehensible, but it’s far more repressive in nature than allowing people to
simply live the way they’d like to. In a sense, it represents forcing people to
repress the way they’d prefer to live their lives in favor of what society dubs
as more traditionally recognizable.
This is not limited to one group or technique, but happens
broadly across a great deal of society, as well as in culture and media. I
think it’s important to distinguish that, as far as my definitions go, this is
different from a character being celibate by choice or something like being
married to their work, although these things might play a part of it. This
trope specifically happens when a character is not respected and their
non-sexual and/or non-romantic nature is treated like something they need to
break themselves out of, or be broken out of by others. In these situations,
their lack of sex and/or romance is seen as artificial, something that they are
doing to themselves or that is being done to them, rather than something that
they have the agency to do for themselves.
Furthermore, although not necessarily always included, this
trope tends to go hand-in-hand with the idea of a character being seen by
others as a freak. For instance, this is something I discussed in two posts recently
when covering the character of Sherlock Holmes as portrayed in the modern
adaptation Sherlock. In that series, Sherlock does consider himself
married to his work and at many different times seems to have aspec or
aspec-adjacent tendencies. There seems to be an obsession by both fans and the
people who worked on the show themselves to prove that Sherlock wasn’t aspec,
but that he experienced sexual attraction and repressed it so it didn’t present
a distraction to his work, something which not only seems at odds with the way
the character is actually portrayed, but becomes very insulting if that notion
is taken at face value throughout the series.
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| Image description: Sherlock Holmes, as portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch in the BBC's Sherlock |
Although this trope bothers me in all its forms, I think it perhaps bothers me most in sci-fi and fantasy media. That’s because these are often diverse worlds that are supposed to challenge our imaginations and encourage us to see past the limitations of our current society. And yet, as I’ve often discussed on the blog, there is a tendency in some of this media to still fall back on today’s notions of how people are “supposed to” live. That is why I’m quick to criticize things like my favorite sci-fi series Star Trek, and the way their version of utopia often leaves certain groups out.
The idea of non-sexual and/or non-romantic people being
repressed is sadly all too common in Star Trek, with sometimes even
entire alien species being referred to as such because their conceptualization
of sex and/or romance is different from that of another alien race or of the
human characters in the show. Even in instances where this is portrayed as an unpopular
attitude for these characters to have, there are no real ramifications for it.
For instance, there is an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine where
one alien refers to another as part of a species that is “sexually repressed”.
We know literally nothing about this species – including what about their
culture or biology makes them an easy target for this type of mockery – which
makes it frustrating that this otherwise throwaway moment was included at all.
Even if the other alien using this insult is not supposed to
be particularly pleasant, casually throwing out a generic stereotype about an
alien species being “repressed” is so strange to me. This unfortunately happens
in other instances too, even with more popular or well-known alien races and
non-human characters. This is arguably even worse, especially when it’s done to
them by human main characters, since it seems to reinforce that there is only
one way to be human. Speaking of how media, especially Star Trek, treats
the idea of being human, that leads me nicely into my next trope.
Temporary
Humanity
This trope, also called “Humanity Ensues” on TV Tropes,
feels like something of a sci-fi and fantasy staple. I feel like, if you have a
non-human character on a show like this, at some point they are going to learn
what it’s like to be human, whether that means they lose some sort of special
power and are seen as “normal” or they’re another species and suddenly become
literally human. Unlike the other tropes on this list, this one might seem the
most harmless because, well, all of us consuming this media already are human
(at least I assume) and thus we ourselves can’t be affected by these often-fantastical
portrayals, right?
Actually, despite it being the least real world, I think
this trope has the power to be just as harmful as the other tropes in this post
and in others, in large part because it’s making a commentary on what it means
to be human. Often times, when “humanity ensues” for a non-human character,
it’s expected that certain “normal” facets of humanity will also accompany it –
whether the other characters in the piece of media expect it or the audience
just naturally assumes it – and I think that can be a huge problem.
I think a clear example of this can be found in Deep
Space Nine’s character, Odo, who is part of a race of shapeshifting beings
known as The Changelings. I’ve discussed both Odo himself and the Changelings
more broadly on the blog before and plan to do so again in future, so I won’t
spend too much time analyzing his particular example. However, at the end of
season four, Odo comes into conflict with his fellow Changelings and breaks
their law by killing one of them. This leads to him eventually being brought
before them for judgment and severely punished by being made “a solid” himself.
Although Odo doesn’t remain a solid for very long, it’s an
interesting plot nevertheless. Usually in Star Trek, becoming human is
supposed to be a great thing (see Seven of Nine being liberated from the Borg,
or Data’s ever-present wish to be human), but for Odo it’s literally a
punishment, one that anyone can see leaves him feeling depressed and upset.
While there are some episodes that play this out in really interesting ways, there
are many others that fall down. Even though Odo does not particularly want to
be “a solid,” that doesn’t stop the writers from acting like it’s a good
opportunity for him.
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| Image description: Odo squaring with his temporary humanity in "Broken Link." Despite Odo's despondency over this, later in this same episode, the idea of an attractive woman is presented as a "benefit" of Odo being human. Although nothing comes of this particular interaction, it's so strange to include this moment in the middle of Odo's crisis. |
There are only two instances of this trope that I’ve ever liked. One of which is an episode of The X-Files reboot called “Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster,” a hilarious episode during which a reptile-like monster is bitten by a human and thus becomes human – calling himself, inventively, Guy Mann. While there is some sexual comedy involved when Guy tells the obviously fake story of being seduced by Scully to a doubtful Mulder, this is humorously played up as Guy indulging in the newly-found human compulsion to exaggerate about his sex life. While I think it’s more just a lucky plot swerve for humor’s sake that Guy is only lying about sex rather than going off to actively seek it now that he’s human, it actually really does work. Additionally, some of the other things Guy does that are “human” are actually quite funny and not problematic at all – such as feeling the need to get a job or the desire for companionship prompting him to adopt a puppy.
The other instance in which I find this trope amusing is “Charades,”
an episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. In that episode, Christine
Chapel and Spock are on an away mission together when their ship crashes and Spock is injured. They are saved by a mysterious entity that doesn’t
understand Spock’s half-Vulcan half-human physiology – especially when compared
to Chapel’s entirely human one – and as such heals him but at the expense of
making him entirely human. This is a problem, given Spock is supposed to be
meeting the family of his Vulcan fiancée, T’Pring.
I find this episode legitimately laugh-out-loud funny. Ethan
Peck, who plays Spock in this series, somehow manages to perfectly encapsulate
the challenge of a suddenly-fully human – and thus fully emotional – Spock
trying to pretend to be fully Vulcan. Although the “moody teenager” vibe is
admittedly somewhat of a predictable route, it’s nevertheless extremely
amusing. The episode even becomes unexpectedly heartfelt, as the situation
allows Spock to realize the struggles his human mother
In addition to all these things, I think “Charades” works
because human Spock is not used the way we see with some of the above examples.
For instance, Spock and T’Pring have already been a long-standing couple and
their relationship tumults have already been explored long before this episode rather
than having these issues only arise because of this trope. Additionally, one of
the main themes of this episode are the nascent feelings Chapel and Spock have
for one another, which are explored after Spock is restored to being fully
Vulcan, rather than something that only comes up when he’s human and
experiencing human emotion.
Furthermore, although Spock’s emotions are played up in this
episode, many of them are quite humorous rather than awkward. For instance, one
of Spock’s biggest emotional outbursts in the episode comes from the fact that
his human crewmates don’t clean up after themselves, leading to a hilarious
scene in which he has to be physically held back after he sees one of his
crewmates leave crumbs on the table. Another comes when he laughs too
boisterously at a joke being told because he finally understands the humor,
which doubles as a cute moment of camaraderie as he sits at the table in
friendship with several women on the crew.
The episode, for all its comedic gold, is not perfect,
however. Spock’s situation is described as a little like puberty, including feelings
of sexual attraction. Although these are not overtly played out, as I described
earlier, there is a brief reference that makes it clear human Spock is indeed
struggling with this too. I think part of what makes this bearable, however, is
the fact that it’s brief – and the fact that Spock is not portrayed in the
series as non-sexual. In fact, several episodes demonstrate that T’Pring and
Spock’s relationship has a physical element, so it’s not like he’s suddenly
experiencing sexual attraction for the first time thanks to his now-human
physiology, just perhaps experiencing it differently. It does still create the
annoying picture that all humans experience sexual attraction or experience it
in the same way, but I do think this was not the intention of the episode or
its use of the trope, which makes it somewhat more bearable than other uses of
the trope.
Overall, while I do think this trope is a bit played out in
sci-fi and fantasy media in general, “Charades” is at least an example of how
it can be done in an entertaining way that doesn’t entirely rely on the aphobic
elements we sometimes see. If this trope is irresistible in the genre, I’d
certainly like to see more examples like this one and fewer like the ones we
see for characters like Odo. This is a trope that thrives on an uncomfortable
and potentially existential nightmare of a situation (as it was for The
X-Files’ poor hapless Guy Mann), but it can be played better and can be
made to seem less like a horrible situation where characters are being forced
to act “more human” and thus “more relatable” for the audience. I think the
idea of not forcing characters into these uncomfortable situations for the sake
of drama is extremely important in this and many of the tropes I discuss on the
blog, including the next one.
Playing Hard to
Get
I have to be honest: a lot of the tropes I discuss on the
blog are ones that I can at least understand, even if I hate them. I can see why
they’ve evolved to become a trope in the first place and can sometimes even see
where better plot lines might be gleaned. Even in the cases of tropes I’ve
never experienced firsthand given my aromantic asexual identity such as the
“friendzone” or the “love triangle,” I can at least give some sort of
commentary. But the idea of playing hard to get is a trope, whether in media or
in real life, that I am well and truly too AroAce for.
The idea of playing hard to get can be described in very
basic terms as making a romantic partner chase after you. In some instances, I
admit I can understand it, if “the chase” is synonymous with putting in the
work. In fact, when I hear the phrase “playing hard to get,” I actually think
of a scene in Dorian’s romance with a male player character in the video game Dragon Age: Inquisition. After several instances of flirting, Dorian will proposition
the player character, and if you affirm you want to be in a relationship with
him, your character will playfully tell him “I thought you’d never ask,” to
which Dorian replies, “I like playing hard to get.”
In this case, playing hard to get involves the repeated
flirting and getting to know one another, which is particularly relevant since
Dorian is trying to figure out if he has the right read on things and is safe
to approach a romance. In this example, it also involves several instances of gaining
his trust through actions and understanding before this scene ever comes to
pass. When portrayed as making an effort for one another through repeatedly
demonstrating that a relationship is safe for everyone involved, then I have no
problem with the idea of the chase. But the way this romantic “chase” and thus
the notion of playing hard to get is often portrayed in media usually doesn’t
feel like that at all, and that’s where I find the trope immensely confusing.
Because I have never been in the position where I am either
chasing or being chased in a relationship (thank goodness, it sounds vaguely
unsettling), I honestly don’t get the appeal, and so this trope becomes not
just one of my least favorite, but one that I genuinely struggle to understand.
Part of this might also be because I’m not an overwhelming fan of romantic
tropes like “Enemies to Lovers,” and other than a few exceptions, I usually don’t
enjoy when a couple’s romantic tension takes the form of actual tension, such
as arguments or fighting. As I’ve said a million times before, I’m an AroAce
who loves a well-told romance, and so I love when a couple crackles with
tension, but there are some issues when that tension is, well, tense.
I actually once watched an interesting video that referred
to this type of tension as “belligerent romance,” and how these love-hate
relationships can actually get extremely toxic, leading back decades. I’m not
going to dig too deep into that in this post because I don’t feel especially
qualified to talk about it. Instead, for this particular post and through my
specific lens, I’d like to focus on why I think “playing hard to get” can
specifically be a problem for aspec representation and aspec-adjacent/non-sexual
characters, and why I as an aspec person find it so problematic. This is
chiefly because there’s a subset of “playing hard to get” that I feel could actually better be described as “begrudging romance,” something I’ve somewhat discussed
before on the blog. It’s surprising to me how often characters don’t actually
seem to want romances, even when they have them, and how that is
portrayed.
For an example of a character with aspec vibes who
experiences this, let’s look at Odo again. Throughout the series, it’s clear
Odo has feelings for Major Kira, but there are episodes where he treats this
like an unwanted thing. Part of this might be because Odo, a usually logical
and stoic character hates being locked into these emotions, but even if that is
all that’s at play here, there are inherent problems with that too. Firstly, it
sets romantic and/or sexual attraction up as the most extreme and severe
emotion – something we also see with Seven of Nine in Star Trek: Voyager’s
“Human Error” – resulting in effects that no other emotion can come close to
creating, which is absurd on the face of it.
Secondly, why would you want to portray a character’s
romance as something they actively don’t want? Doesn’t that harm your own
message and story? For a non-aspec example of this, I point to Downton Abbey’s
Mary Crawley, who doesn’t seem to want another romance [Spoilers!] after the death of her
husband, and yet is pushed into one by the characters around her and by the
narrative, justifying it with another of my least favorite tropes – “you’re denying yourself happiness.” To me, these begrudging romances are insidious
because they seem to be what happens when other people are allowed to define if
you’re playing hard to get or not, a creepy concept on the face of it.
Again, in Odo’s case, he’s always a somewhat grumpy and
angry character, and various circumstances in certain episodes make his
frustration make sense. But even so, it’s very strange to try and center plot
points over his love for Kira and then have him show repeated outbursts of
strong negative emotion regarding it. It’s not a good look for Odo as a
character or for his relationship with Kira in general, even though the show is trying to
portray these emotional outbursts as proof of his strong passion – yes, the
writing even says that at one point, and brings it up in context to Odo’s
otherwise “cold” nature, something which has its own host of problems already.
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| Image description: My cover image comes from an episode called "Crossfire," in which Odo's feelings for Kira (and his feelings of being rejected) lead to that strong emotional outburst, the results of which we see here. This is portrayed as "passion" in comparison to Odo's usual personality. |
Although perhaps not “playing hard to get” in the traditional sense, these examples demonstrate why I hate that trope so much to begin with. I think media has gotten us so used to the idea that people who don’t want romance are lying to themselves and to others, that it becomes accepted that they must actually just be playing hard to get – whether for the sake of the chase or because they themselves haven’t realized just how much they “want” or “need” this romance. They are then portrayed as seeming to not want this romance because they then need to understand that they actually do want it and thus the chase is over.
As Mary Crawley demonstrates, this doesn’t just happen to
presumed non-sexual characters, but it’s especially awful when it does because
it feels like some sort of corrective erasure – like romance and/or sex are
such powerful persuasive forces that they can completely circumvent someone’s
personality, preferences, or even biology. Seeing these characters then do
their best to resist the romance doesn’t feel like some interesting bit of
romantic and/or sexual tension; rather, it strangely feels like watching the
accidentally aspec side of a character try to resist against the effort to make
them more “normal.”
Like many of the tropes I’ve discussed on this blog
previously, I feel like the worst elements of “playing hard to get” come about because
writing romance can actually be quite hard. To keep a romance interesting and
to stretch out the dramatic tension – especially in “will they or won’t they”
stories – certain things often have to be contrived to keep the leads apart,
which can lead to bad character arcs like the ones we see for Mary. But other
times, I can’t help but feel like certain characters really should be aspec and
that they have these tendencies even without their writers intending it,
meaning they have to do a lot of work to overcome their own accidental writing.
But they shouldn’t have to. There’s nothing wrong with
writing a character who doesn’t seem especially interested in sex and/or
romance, and this is where these tropes become so frustrating. I find it
unfortunate that writers and audiences alike see these characters and think of
them as repressed or think they’d be different if they suddenly became human or
that their uninterest in sex or romance must just be a form of “playing hard to
get.” I find it disappointing in the extreme when these attitudes lead to these
characters being pushed into situations that don’t fit their storyline and
where tremendous effort is made to change them to fit stereotypical ideas of
how they should “have to be.” At the end of the day, this is not just aphobic,
but simply bad storytelling.
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As I’ve said previously, I don’t think these tropes are just
going to magically go away; in fact, some of these tropes may always be present
in storytelling. But I do think it’s possible for these tropes to evolve and
become better. There is no reason why these things have to also come with a
thick layer of aphobia or amatonormativity involved, and there is no reason why
we have to assume that having a non-sexual and/or non-romantic character is a
bad thing. I sincerely hope that future pieces of media can understand that
they don’t have to be ashamed or afraid of writing characters who get to be
exactly what they are.
Before I go, a quick housekeeping note for those of you who
are reading this around the time I actually published it: Usually as we
approach my birthday, I tend to plan a more lighthearted post to give myself a
little mental break and have some fun. However, by sheer happenstance, the way
my update schedule falls meant that my next post after this one would literally
be on my actual birthday. Since I will be out of town around that time, there
will be no post that day. To keep my update schedule on track, my next post
therefore will be August 23rd. I hope to see you then!
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