Why Can't Stoic Girls Be Aspec?

 

Image description: La'an from Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. La'an - along with a few other epic women from Star Trek and beyond - feature heavily in today's post, wondering if we can see women like them be aspec.

For most of my life, many of my favorite characters have been tough-as-nails women who still have deep emotional cores. Although I’m not as tough or no-nonsense, I think my fave bad-ass ladies represent a lot of things I aspire to be – determined, fearless, complex. In many ways, I think I was also able to identify with them because, although many of my favorite female characters do have romantic relationships, most of them cannot be defined only by this trait. These characters, I feel, are often amazing on their own merits, and they don’t need romance to make them more complete, more interesting, or better characters.

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about these types of female characters. While not all my faves would be considered “stoic,” many of them are, pushing down their emotions in favor of logic or a desire to get things done. Even the characters who are more emotional often know how to channel emotion into duty or their goals in a way I’ve always deeply admired. So when I see these characters pushed into romances, whether good or bad, it makes me ask: why do these women need romances at all? While many of these characters don’t have aspec vibes and some do enjoy romance, not all of them do, and as such I can’t help but wonder why it’s decided these characters need romance at all. What’s the reason that so many stoic female characters aren’t allowed to be aspec?

Obviously, this is a bit of a complex question, especially because asexual and aromantic identities don’t have much representation in general. Nevertheless, I think this is something media still struggles with, both in how it represents women and in how it represents aspec people. Not too long ago, I did a post all about representation, describing how effective representation communicates a topic to the audience. In this case, what are we communicating about stoic women, aspec women, or both? There are certainly pros and con to portraying aspec stoics, but there are also pros and cons to stoic characters having romances, especially when those characters are women. So today, I’d like to explore this topic and deep dive into why media seems determined to not let stoic women have aspec tendencies.

Spoiler warning! 

Star Trek: Voyager ("Unimatrix Zero," "Human Error")

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds ("Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow," "Subspace Rhapsody")

Person of Interest (various)

Star Trek Generations

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What Makes a Stoic Character?

When I have concept posts like this, I like to do a basic Google search of the word at the center of the concept. In this case, stoic as a noun (as in, “a stoic”) refers to a person who doesn’t often show their feelings, especially when dealing with hardship. More broadly, it can also refer to an Ancient Greek philosophy that believed in wisdom and self-control, both of which jive with this definition. I’m no philosopher, so I’m not going to dive into what this school of thought entails; rather, I’m going to ask a question: when it comes to creating characters, what exactly makes a character “stoic”? Even looking up “the Stoic” on TV Tropes yields a list of variations and definitions and offshoots longer than my arm. Furthermore, many of these examples also discuss times when the stoic’s stoic personality is broken in some way, shape, or form, making it difficult to identify characters that really are stoic, since no one can possibly be stoic all the time.

There are also several variations of the trope that relate specifically to female stoicism and women who are portrayed in media as unemotional – one of the tropes is literally called “Emotionless Girl,” and is considered the female equivalent of a male stoic. However, for my analysis, I’ll keep using stoic to refer to the women I want to discuss today, even though you’ll likely find them on TV Tropes’ “Emotionless Girl” page. In the case of these female characters, the reason for their stoic/emotionless nature is not always portrayed the same way. For example, sometimes they’re portrayed as emotionless because of a legitimate personality disorder; other times, they’re just portrayed as anti-social, both of which are valid, but are often presented differently. Other times, there’s a specific reason for why they don’t exhibit much emotion, and this is explored throughout their narrative arc.

Naturally, it would be impossible for me to do this post and not mention Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager. Although Seven can be somewhat more snarky and emotional than many stoics are, there is still stoicism and logic in her personality. Throughout her time on the show, Seven goes from being a literal cybernetic Borg drone to being given back her stolen humanity and learning to exist in between both extremes. Because she spent most of her life as a drone, this is not an easy feat for her, and often involves learning a great deal not only about herself but the people around her. She learns to trust and understand people, learns to express herself, and grows through friendship and camaraderie until she eventually sees the crew of Voyager as her family.

Another woman who comes to mind for this notion of stoicism is the character of Sameen Shaw from the series Person of Interest. While I never really followed Person of Interest very closely when it was on – and admittedly can’t recall much of it – I still to this day remember Shaw as a stoic bad-ass who nevertheless got to forge a lot of deep relationships and develop as a character. In her case, her unemotional nature was indeed due to a personality disorder, but she was still complex and allowed to be herself, even as she connected more with the people around her. Eventually, this included a romance.

Image description: Sameen Shaw from Person of Interest

Both Seven and Shaw are examples of what I was discussing in the introduction. In Seven’s case, I believe there are very clear aspec vibes that are ignored in favor of romance, as I’ve discussed a great deal on the blog. In Shaw’s case, she never really had these vibes to begin with and her romance is admittedly a bit unconventional, given she has a bit of an enemies-to-lovers style relationship with the brilliant and ruthless Samantha Groves. But, despite their differences, I believe both characters are a good example of the question at the core of this post. While your mileage may vary on whether these characters’ romances are well portrayed, constitute good representation, etc., why isn’t either woman allowed to be aspec, or at the very least not romantically or sexually attached?

As I said, this is a topic that’s been on my mind for years, but I was actually inspired to talk about it by a more recent character, and one who I would again not necessarily describe as even being aspec-adjacent. Her example interests me whether she’s aspec or allosexual/alloromantic because I think there’s still a layer of aphobia to how she’s at times portrayed and received. Like the other stoic ladies I’ve discussed here, there seems to be an unwillingness to imagine that she can be both stoic and not in a relationship, meaning one or both of those things may be changed by the media she’s in. I find that concerning, especially because I love both this character and the media she’s in – the character of La’an from Star Trek: Strange New Worlds.

Let’s Talk About La’an

La’an Noonien-Singh is the security chief of the Enterprise in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds – and, spoiler alert, many Trekkies will recognize her surname. Obviously being a descendant of the maniacal Khan Noonien-Singh would be trauma enough for La’an, making her hesitancy to accept new people into her life completely justifiable. But it gets worse. As a child, her family was killed by the Gorn, leaving her with a deep-seated fear of and thirst for vengeance against these beings. Again, this more than explains her reluctance to befriend people, and helps shed light on what made her so stoic in the first place.

La’an is an interesting case study for this topic. On the one hand, she perfectly fits – and even inspired – the theme. But on the other hand, she doesn’t quite line up with it, primarily because I never really viewed her as an aspec character. Oftentimes I look for some little clue or aspect about the character that gives me what I like to call those elusive “aspec vibes.” While my definition is not the standard, nor should it be, I usually look for things such as a character explicitly expressing a disinterest in sex and/or romance. Sometimes they may describe these relationships as being unpleasant or get upset when other people express the thought that these relationships would make them happy. But La’an doesn’t explicitly demonstrate these traits. All the same, I was hopeful that perhaps the series would allow her to be stoic and duty-driven without those things being used against her.

Some of this was inspired by watching her friendship with Una – whom Star Trek fans will likely know as “Number One”. The history of this character saw her being a logic-driven stoic and saw this play poorly with audiences of the time who didn’t like seeing a woman with these traits. But that was then and this is now, and I liked the idea that these things could be accepted in both women. While Una has more personality and sass than the previous iteration of Number One, she’s serious enough that people think she’s somewhat cold or standoffish, something which La’an also suffers from. Again, there are definite parallels that can be drawn here, especially since being labelled as “cold” or “emotionless” can be an aphobic trope. I thought perhaps Una and La’an’s friendship might facilitate their character growth in a way that doesn’t demand either one of them change. And while that’s the case in their various interactions, there are also a few instances where I believe La’an’s character development goes in the opposite direction, such as the season two episode “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow.”

To start, I must admit that I hate this episode. While it’s not with the same vitriol that I hate episodes like Voyager’s “Unimatrix Zero” and “Human Error,” it does set off a chain of events that I think are going to greatly impact La’an’s character for the foreseeable future and I do strongly dislike it in that sense. The episode centers around La’an and James Kirk (yes, that Kirk) finding themselves stranded in the 21st century, tasked with stopping an attack that will alter the future. This isn’t unusual for Star Trek, but what bothers me about this episode specifically is what I feel is a shoe-horned in romance plot between La’an and Kirk.

Image description: La'an and Kirk in the episode "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow"

I admit I was hoping that this plot point would turn out to be a one-episode throwaway story, and was disappointed to see it come back up in the season two musical episode “Subspace Rhapsody.” Again, I admit I’m not a fan of the episode so as it is; however, the thing that perhaps was the most troublesome for me was that it doubled down on the idea of La’an’s fleeting “relationship with Kirk” being an essential and transformative thing for her. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with romance being an important and transformative experience; I think many of the best relationships should be, romantic or otherwise. There’s also nothing especially wrong with having a character’s development involve a romance, and there are many great examples of this throughout media, including throughout Star Trek.

But there are two things I predominantly dislike about La’an’s relationship with Kirk and how it comes back around in this episode. The first thing is that it really wasn’t a relationship at all. What she experienced was under such different circumstances that, for all intents and purposes, the person she had this experience with is gone; there is no mutual growth here because the Kirk with whom she shared the romance is not in her timeline. While she’s certainly allowed to mourn that, the idea that she can find romance again with another version of Kirk doesn’t feel authentic to me. The second thing is related to her personal song in this episode, a ballad called “How Would That Feel?”

Through this song, La’an critiques herself as being “cool and methodical/way too responsible,” and seems to catalogue these as character flaws that keep her from being happy. Now, if this were a song about just learning to open up to people, I actually wouldn’t mind it; but to me, it goes off the rails when it’s connected to her lost romance with the other timeline’s Kirk. By tying it to this romance, her seeming inability to “change [her] paradigm” feels to me like it’s almost an accusation – one that comes a little too close to the “denying yourself happiness” or “non-romantic is punishment” tropes. In addition to the lyrical components of the song, the scene in which La’an sings this song features her envisioning a future where she’s together with Kirk and happy. It’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, but you can spot that in this daydream, La’an envisions herself pregnant.

Personally, because I don’t really code La’an as aspec, I don’t dislike this notion nearly as much as I would for a character with more overtly aspec tendencies. However, I do dislike the idea that these things seem to be portrayed as the rewards La’an would have if only she could change her ways. Although she’s not overtly aspec, this still feels similar enough to the experiences of characters who are more aspec-adjacent that it troubles me. While I know this likely wasn’t the intention of the writers, these events feel like they imply that La’an’s current state is a bad thing – or at least something that needs to change – for her to be happy. Furthermore, even if this wasn’t their intention, it seems to be the way a lot of viewers interpreted the plot.

Personally, I was a bit dismayed to realize some people view La’an’s stoic, unemotional, and defensive nature as unlikeable character traits rather than understandable ones. However, I was even more upset to learn that some of the audience only began warming up to her character because of the romance plot. It seems like many people actually view the romance plot as her first real character development and the thing that makes her relatable to them. Of course, relating to a character’s romance story or enjoying a romance plotline is not a bad thing; but when these things are presented for a stoic character and seem to be a part of the effort to make them more “normal,” that makes me deeply uncomfortable as an aspec person.

I’d like to be proven wrong, but I don’t see how La’an’s story arc can be resolved without the inclusion of some other romance. Yet again, I can’t help but think about Seven of Nine and how you can directly draw a line from “Unimatrix Zero” to “Human Error.” Much like La’an’s “relationship” with Kirk, Seven’s brief reunion with Axum in the former episode leads to her supposedly realizing she feels like romance is missing in her life and seeking it out with Chakotay in the latter episode. So likewise, “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow” seems to serve as La’an’s “Unimatrix Zero,” which makes me think there’s a “Human Error” somewhere in her future too. Given there is so much potential in storytelling for her, I can’t help but find that thought disappointing. I’m not saying she can never or should never change, but that doesn’t have to involve romance.

Image description: A promo shot of La'an

I also find it distressing that these same patterns are being repeated over twenty years after Voyager went down this path. I think episodes like “Subspace Rhapsody” are already giving us echoes of that for her, and they seem more interested in “softening” La’an than allowing her to be accepted as she is. Although she’s a fully human character, I still think her stoic nature is being used to dehumanize her in many ways – especially since, as Khan’s descendant, she’s spent a great deal of her life being treated as a monster. Admittedly, she does have some great friendships (again, see Una) and if friendship is what helps La’an better balance her stoicism with how she fits into the crew, it could actually be very well portrayed. However, if romance is the thing that “thaws” her and makes others – even the audience – see her as human, I’ll be rather disappointed.

Even though La’an is probably not an aspec character, I think her portrayal is a great example of how aphobia can hurt allosexual characters. In my opinion, it also communicates something about a certain type of aspec character – and, I believe, a certain type of female character too. In my experience, there seems to be a reluctance to accept non-sexual and/or non-romantic female characters, or a tendency to portray them as frigid, unlikable, and in need of a major adjustment. Therefore, their romances are not portrayed as matches of equals, but as efforts to normalize and change them which, even if unintentional, can be extremely problematic.

Are There Variations In This Trope?

Some of you may be reading this post and thinking of other characters who fit the bill, specifically male characters. Depending on your own definitions, there are plenty of stoic male characters who could be aspec, but are simply not allowed to be such. In other instances, they may not give “aspec vibes” per se, but still serve as interesting thought experiments for this type of analysis, such as La’an did for the women. For example, Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation is not an aspec character nor is he completely stoic. Even so, he’s stoic enough that the idea of him secretly pining for a family as portrayed in Star Trek Generations strikes me as silly. Although I can’t guess at what the motive behind this plot point was, it feels as if the writers are trying to say that underneath Picard’s more logical, serious nature lurks someone who wants a traditional “happy ending” – whatever that even means. And while I do think this type of portrayal has shades of what characters like La’an goes through, I do think there are a few key differences.

This type of analysis is admittedly more complex than I have time for in this post, and I don’t mean to oversimplify it, nor generalize how it works. However, at least in my view, it seems like these things are characterized in different fashions. For instance, although some of this may be attributed to his age and characterization rather than his gender, it seems like Picard is never conceptualized as “cold,” even when demonstrating many of the traits that characters like La’an have. Rather, his stoicism often seems to be portrayed as a good and worthy thing, especially as a captain. That’s not to say he’s unemotional, of course, and there are many times where we see Picard have emotional reactions to things; but these are portrayed as part of him, not as something he had to learn for the sake of breaking out of the stoicism, and being stoic is not often portrayed as a character flaw.

On the other hand, female characters like Seven or La’an don't often seem to be given that same consideration. Again, this is a complicated issue that a few paragraphs of analysis can’t possibly get to the core of, but for a quick example of this, I point specifically to the fact that both La’an and Seven are thought of as brusque, stodgy, and even rude by their crewmates. In Seven’s case, B’Elanna Torres – not exactly known for her warm and fuzzy nature – accuses her of being rude very early in the former-Borg drone’s time on Voyager when she’s barely had time to acclimate. Although this is not specific only to women in Star Trek and is indeed seen as being a problem for the Vulcans or for non-human characters like Deep Space Nine’s Odo, there definitely seems to be an extra layer of double standard for female characters overall. This was a large factor in my decision to focus specifically on “stoic girls” in this post.

Additionally, I think these stoic female characters have an extra pressure on them to develop out of their stoicism and form romantic relationships. Of course, I look on romantic relationships for male characters like Data or Odo with just as much skepticism and dislike as I do for characters like Seven or La’an – in my opinion, if a romance is out of place or poorly done, it’s poorly done regardless of genders. But when it comes to female characters, the idea that romance is supposed to “soften” these characters or make them more likable, relatable, or sympathetic is especially unpleasant. In male characters, their sacrifice of the traditional happily ever after may even be played up as somewhat heroic, whereas that isn’t always the case for female characters.

Again, I don’t mean to generalize – and I’d love to see stoic men be aspec just as much as I’d love to see stoic women be aspec. But as a woman myself, I’ve always personally felt the greater need for those stoic aspec characters to be women, and I’ve always felt a deeper sense of media trying to “correct” these tendencies when it comes to female characters. Furthermore, I’ve felt that pressure in my own life, where being non-romantic, non-sexual, and not wanting a traditional family life has made other people look at me as though I’m weird or broken. Therefore, my need for female characters to be role models is even greater and led me to want to talk about the topic through this particular lens.

I’ve been waiting for stoic female characters to be allowed to be aspec for a long time, and in many cases, I’m still waiting. While things may be improving and we may be seeing more tough-as-nails, no-nonsense women who are allowed to be more things – aspec included – I know we still have some work to do. So for myself as a young girl and myself as an adult, I keep hoping that someday the perfect aspec heroine will finally come along. For that reason, today’s post feels like I’m acknowledging a very specific part of myself and my hopes for representation, and I hope that in describing it, I’ve shed some light on this complicated topic for other people too.

Image description: Jean-Luc Picard and Seven of Nine in Star Trek: Picard. Since I mentioned both of them in this post, it felt appropriate to have a picture of both of them standing side by side.

Villains, robots, non-human characters - they can all be good aspec representation in moderation or when done with careful consideration, allowing their stories to be meaningful and their aspec identities to not be solely because of these attributes. I firmly believe stoic aspec representation is the same. I’d love if there can be characters like Seven or La’an or others who are allowed to be stoic and romantically unattached. I want to see these characters grow and develop emotionally in ways that don’t involve romance, and I’d love to see their growth not turn into a game of “softening” them. This can all be done respectfully and I think it could create incredible aspec representation if done in a way that communicates something meaningful to the audience.

As I said in my introduction, I’ve been deeply influenced by tough female characters who have stoic elements to them. Although I myself am not especially stoic, I find I can relate to these characters in many other ways, and would love nothing more than to be able to relate to them from an aspec point of view. Whether these characters are explicitly on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums or just show a disinterest in these things, I would love if those emotions could be respected and deemed as valid. While I don’t want every aspec character to be portrayed as overly logical or unemotional – and I definitely don’t want to see these portrayals wander into trope territory – I think at least a few stoic aspec women would be amazing representation.

Over the years, we’ve been blessed with a lot of truly iconic women on screen who have been allowed to be both tough and vulnerable, logical and kind, emotional and yet still bad-ass. As an aspec woman, I can’t help but want that for aspec characters too. If we can let non-romantic and/or non-sexual female characters be respected for their personalities without being changed and allow their “aspec vibes” to stand as valid, I firmly believe we will not only create good representation for aspec women, but aspec people of all genders – not to mention I firmly believe we’ll create some great characters and stories for everyone to enjoy. And I’m sorry, but I definitely can’t be stoic about something like that.