Honoring My Truest Companion & Greatest Gift

Image description: My cat Hermione, my companion for almost fifteen years

Disclaimer: This is a very personal and emotional post related to the loss of a pet. Although I don't go into specifics, I do discuss the loss; if that is a difficult topic for you, I recommend skipping this post.

Previously on this blog, I’ve mentioned my preference for stories about the love humans share with animals, especially pets. I’ve listed cats specifically in this and mentioned my own cat, Hermione, whom I also mention in the sidebar description of the blog. Because I mentioned her in that description, she felt like she was always present here, just as she was always present in my life – from the moment I got her as a kitten almost fifteen years ago, to the moment I had to say goodbye to her unexpectedly on October 18^th, 2021.

In the aftermath of losing her, I’ve been taking the advice of friends and relatives and giving myself time to mourn, attempting to be patient with myself as I adjust to life without her. Originally, I had a plan to do a post thematically appropriate for Halloween, but I haven’t had the wherewithal to work on it, nor did it feel right to post something so close to Halloween, the day which also would have been Hermione’s fifteenth birthday. So my family instead suggested I write a short piece about Hermione’s life, my relationship with her, and what she means to me as a way to honor her and keep the memory of her close.

And so, I write this today from a very raw and emotional place, and a very personal one too. Never before has a topic been so personal to me, with no analysis to speak of – just the story of my oldest friendship, and the companion who got me through so much. It’s going to be short and sweet and off the cuff, and if most of my regular readers opt to skip this post, I completely understand. If you do decide to remain, however, please bear with me as I wander my way through these stories. I know I will shed a lot of tears by the end of this (I already am), but it felt appropriate to honor my beloved pet and friend in the midst of this difficult time. So, without any further preamble, this is the story of my cat Hermione and how she changed my life forever.

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In 2006, when I was eleven years old, I wouldn’t stop talking about how much I wanted to have a kitten. My parents took this to heart, and as Christmas approached, I was extremely surprised one day when my parents called me to their bedroom to reveal a tiny kitten, no more than five or six weeks old, sitting in my father’s lap. Although it was a bit before Christmas (they knew they wouldn’t have been able to hid her until Christmas morning), she was nevertheless the best Christmas gift anyone could have ever received and I was overjoyed.

It took me a few days after receiving her to finally give her a name, however. The choice was left entirely to me, and I wanted to choose a name that suited her and worked well with the other pets in our family – our dog Aurora (who was named after the princess in Disney’s animated film Sleeping Beauty) and our other cat Clara (who had been named by a rescue group after Clara from the Christmas classic The Nutcracker). Should I name the new kitten something Disney related, then? Or something Christmas-y, not only to match Clara’s name, but to honor the occasion for which I was receiving her? After a lot of deliberation, however, I decided to name her after one of my favorite characters of all time, Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series, and the rest was history.

As it turned out, the name Hermione was extremely appropriate for the new member of our family. Not only did she prove to be extremely intelligent right from the start, but it became something of a family joke to playfully declare “she’s gone mental, Hermione has!” whenever she did anything wild, quoting Ron Weasley from the film version of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. And, given the high-spirited nature of our girl, we quoted that line a lot. Her mortal enemies were our Christmas decorations, and in the course of one Christmas season, she managed to knock over the large faux Christmas tree in our living room at least twice, and her favorite hobby was climbing into the middle of the smaller synthetic purple tree located in my bedroom. She also loved trying to climb the faux garland we had hung around our doorway, frequently amused herself by attacking wrapping paper whenever we tried to wrap presents, and was even responsible for pulling smaller unwrapped gifts out of their hiding places. This doesn’t even count her non-holiday shenanigans, such as figuring out ways to jump to the top of door frames or climbing the screen door in our kitchen. She was mental, that Hermione was.

But for all her wild child antics, she was an enormously loving cat from start to finish. I often say that anyone who thinks cats are aloof likely never had a cat before; between Hermione and our older cat Clara, my parents and I had a full-time job of petting, brushing, and generally loving on our very spoiled kitties who simply adored attention. When I was in my late teens, Hermione would often jump up onto the table where I did schoolwork and would lay on my laptop (literally on top of the keyboard, thus making it impossible to continue doing schoolwork). More recently, when I started doing yoga at home, she could almost always be found napping on my yoga mat while I attempted to do poses around her. But the best of all was nighttime, when she would push my bedroom door open, come up onto my bed, and sleep beside me all night, the two of us literally lying back-to-back as she rested her head on my pillow.

I think it can be easy for people who don’t have pets to assume that they’re “just animals” (which, honestly, what does that even mean?). But in all these ways and more, Hermione was my companion. No matter what was going in my life or what I was feeling, Hermione was there. During a stressful family health crisis in 2013, Hermione kept us all company and made us feel more at ease. When we were forced to say goodbye to Aurora and then Clara a few years later, having Hermione to love made the painful process a little bit easier. Even during the chaos of moving from Pennsylvania to Florida, which my parents and I did in 2016, Hermione’s presence and focusing on helping her transition made my own transition go more smoothly. In happy times and sad ones, stressful ones and static ones, Hermione was always there to support me and make me smile. At times when my depression and anxiety made me feel worthless, knowing that she relied on me and loved me was extremely valuable. And yes, this includes times when I felt invisible and disposable because of my identity.

As the Asexual Geek, you know how frequently I discuss different types of love and relationships; as just Rachel, the unconditional love Hermione gave me was unique and irreplaceable. The friendship we shared was one of a kind and I’ll never forget it, nor will I ever be able to exactly replicate it or find its exact like ever again. I think it’s common for people to believe that animals have no personality or no ability to love their owners, but I think that belief is simply untrue. I saw the unique way Hermione related to our family, our other pets, and the world around her. She was as individual as I am.

Another common thing I see, especially on the internet, is the belief that pets are “inferior replacements” for other relationships, especially parent/child ones. Over the years, I’ve seen various YouTube and Facebook comments that claim people use pets to try and fill a void for romance or a lack of children, I’ve heard it said that people will love their pets less once they have children, and I have even seen people take exception with the term “pet parent” because they believe that having a pet is nothing like having a child. But I’m adamant that those beliefs are folly. Hermione and I were different species, sure. She was never going to grow up and hit an age where she could speak, for instance, nor did I have to raise her to learn right from wrong. But how was the devotion that my family and I gave to her any less than what a parent might give a child? The grief I feel at losing her is real and raw and heartbreaking. Knowing I have to learn to live my life without her is devastating and it will take me a while to recover.

In coping with my grief, I’ve heard a lot of quotes that I’ve been trying to hold on to – everything from Queen Elizabeth’s “grief is the price we pay for love” (sent to me by a dear friend) to “what is grief if not love persevering?” from the show WandaVision. But the quote I’ve been coming back to the most actually comes from a YouTube video about WandaVision and grief by the wonderful CinemaTherapy: “my sorrow means that they mattered and that what we had was real.” Hermione may not have been a human, but the impact she had on my life was great and I miss her dearly. My love for her is real, and the grief is too, because she was important. That is irreplaceable and difficult, but it’s also beautiful, precisely because it means our relationship mattered so deeply.

Despite the fact that I’m writing this through tears, I don’t want this post to become all about these arguments or focus just on grief. While I know I will be mourning this loss for a while and I am doing my best to give myself the time and space I need to do that, I also want to give myself the space to remember the good times, the silly times, the goofy inside jokes my family and I share based on her antics. It’s going to take time and deliberate effort to focus less on the shock and heartbreak of losing her so suddenly and unexpectedly and instead focus on all the time I did have, which is why I’m choosing to do this post. I want to remember all the joy, comfort, safety, and love Hermione gave me, and I want to encourage other people to reflect on the same.

If you are a pet owner, do me a favor and hug your pet today; tell them you love them and that they’re special to you. If you’re someone who has lost a pet, take the opportunity to think of a happy memory with them, and smile. And if you’re someone who has never had a pet or who thinks having a pet is just a poor replacement for a human relationship, I encourage you to remember that life and relationships are diverse. Not everyone can have children. Other people like me have no desire to have children. Those of us on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums likely won’t have the relationships most people have in their lives, but we may have pets instead, and those relationships instead will be where we find our joy and our safety – and many people who do have romantic relationships will nevertheless rely on their pets for comfort and non-judgmental love.

That’s what Hermione was for me – a friendly face greeting me every morning and ending each night with me, a sweet and loving creature who never judged me (unless, of course, I was being stingy with treats). I truly wish that we lived in a world where more people understood that, and where more people understood the beauty and deep meaning that can exist between a human and an animal. That is why, although I am very sad, I am also very happy, because I got to experience the true blessing of that connection. Hermione came into my life almost fifteen years ago as a Christmas gift, and it’s appropriate because a gift is exactly what she was. As much as I miss her, I am also so thankful I got to share in her life and experience all the gifts she had to give me. I can honestly say I am a better person because of her, and will never, ever forget her.

Thank you, Hermione, for everything – and thank you especially for being my friend.